Painted Canvases
by Castielnerdangel
Summary: Castiel Novak's life was like a blank canvas until Dean Winchester walked into the gas station he works at one day. Falling in love with the ruggedly handsome man was the easy part, it was the unexpected diagnosis that would test their relationship and emotional strength.
1. Chapter 1

Castiel Novak started out the day at the gas station like any other. He made a thorough sweep through the store, counting and recounting the money in the cash register before flipping the sign on the window to open and unlocking the doors. No one showed up for a while until later in the day when a steady stream of customers came through the doors. He stood at the counter as people from all different walks of life entered the store. Some were impatient businessmen trying to get to their work as quick as possible, there were a couple families trying to usher children into the bathroom before there was an accident and there were people coming in to browse the shelves only to pick up one small thing and pay in coins.

The day was busy but it had its slow moments, which Castiel was happy for. He scanned the shelves and saw that the stack of canned soups was getting a little low. In a gas station, he didn't think it was that big of a deal, not many people bought soup there anyways, but he liked to be ahead of things.

Walking back to the supply room, he grabbed a box of cans and started arranging them on the shelves. His head must have been in a different place because his hand hit a can, knocking over the whole stack, sending cans rolling across the floor. The heads of some customers glanced his way but didn't offer a hand to help, which he wasn't expecting.

He bent to pick them up when his hand touched someone else's. "Rough day there?" he heard someone ask and looking up, his eyes met with one of the most beautiful men he had ever seen. His eyes were a burning emerald and his smile lit up his face. The man bent down and helped him retrieve the runaway cans, stacking them back on the shelf.

"Thank you, I don't know where my head has been" said Castiel, shifting nervously. "No problem…" the man squinted as he looked at his name tag "…Castiel" he said, smiling again, revealing his white teeth "Cool name." The man grabbed a bag of beef jerky and a 6 pack of beer, meeting him at the register.

Castiel scanned his items and handed them back to him. "Have a nice day and thanks again" he said, looking the man in the eyes. "No problem and its Dean" he said, flashing him another smile before exiting. Cas heard the roar of an engine and saw Dean drive away in a very nice classic car; a Chevy Impala if he wasn't mistaken.

Castiel couldn't concentrate the rest of the day. All he could think about were those green eyes and the man who owned them. He told himself it was stupid. He was probably never going to see the man again and he knew nothing about him.

Growing up, Castiel had never truly known who he was. He had dated women and men but he was never happy. How could a man he just met make him feel so happy in only a couple of minutes? He tried to banish these thoughts from his head; he didn't need to get his hopes up about someone it was highly unlikely that he would ever see again, even less likely start a relationship with. The day passed by slowly and finally his shift was over. He unlocked his bike and rode back to his apartment through the chilly air. He was happy to get away from the station, letting the employee after him deal with drunks on the night shift.

His apartment was small and wasn't in the best of neighborhoods, but it worked for him, and that was all he needed. His life was slow and boring and he felt stuck. Ever since he could remember, he wanted to be an artist. He loved painting. The feel of making starting with a blank canvas and letting the colors swirl into a picture, depicting emotion and feeling was something he fell in love with. But unfortunately he had to settle with the job at the gas station for now. He had a daily routine, and nothing exciting ever happened to him.

When he arrived home, he made a bowl of top ramen and turned on the TV. A late night comedy show was on but he didn't really pay attention. He found that things became less funny, less enjoyable, when he didn't have anyone to share them with. He stared at the TV for a while, flipping through the channels, before his eyes got heavy and he fell asleep on the couch.


	2. Chapter 2

As a few weeks passed, he saw Dean a couple more times. Every time he saw him, for a couple minutes, his life didn't seem so bad. He was filled with a happiness and excitement he hadn't felt in years. Something about this man, made him feel like he had a purpose, made him feel like his life could actually go somewhere. But every night he would go home alone and the dreariness of his empty apartment would smolder the small flame building inside of him.

The next morning Cas woke up to the screech of his alarm. His shift didn't start until 9 so he had time to make some breakfast and sit down and maybe enjoy it. He put a Beatles cd in his cd player and made eggs to "Let It Be." His parents had always listened to the Beatles when he was growing up, so he thought they were one of the best music groups to walk the earth.

He ate his breakfast alone with only the sounds of the famous foursome to keep him company. He looked around the apartment and frowned at all the packed boxes he still hadn't emptied. He couldn't get himself to unpack. He didn't feel like he belonged here, and he was hoping if he put it off for long enough, something might work in his favor and he could move out. He had come to Oregon for college and having recently graduated, he had to get a small job to afford enough rent for this shabby place.

He groaned slightly as he got up from the creaky chair and reached for one of the boxes. He looked through it and noticed that they were his old paintings. He never thought any of them were any good, and he refused to show them to people. His paintings were projections of his emotions and thoughts and he didn't want someone criticizing him any more than he already does.

He sighed and abandoned the box, continuing to get ready for the day, slipping back into his normal routine. He stepped outside and was hit with the breeze of the cold air as it bit at his skin. Since he moved, he couldn't afford a car, so he rode his bike everywhere. He loved riding his bike but knew that in a couple of weeks, with the weather getting colder, he would have to switch to an alternate method of transportation.

He made the 10 minute long bike ride to work. He liked to watch the people on his way by. He liked to imagine what their lives were like and hoped that they had a happier one than he did. By the time he rode into the back lot of the gas station and locked his bike, his nose and ears were red from the cold.

He replaced the man before him and began his long shift, not expecting the day to be any different from the previous days. He scanned the store and sat down behind the counter, helping the occasional customer.

His shift was halfway over when he heard the bell on the door ring, and Dean walked through. He wondered why Dean came there so often, but he was glad for it. Whatever the reason, he didn't want it to stop. He grabbed another pack of beer and walked up to the counter. Castiel couldn't help but notice the leather jacket he was wearing was worn down but still managed to work on him. "I decided I like this place the best" Dean said, flashing his white teeth. Castiel felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his cheeks got hot.

Cas smiled at him and scanned his items, fumbling with them and having to run them over the scanner a couple times before he got it right. "Well actually that's just an excuse" Dean added, his face getting serious. "An excuse for what? If you don't mind me asking" said Castiel, staring into his green eyes.

"Maybe I like seeing your face" Dean said "maybe I could see you again if you came to dinner with me" he added, leaning his elbow against the counter. Dean was brave, he would give him that. "Oh…um…yeah, sure. My shift is over in a couple of hours" answered Cas, running a hand through his hair. He, on the other hand, wasn't the best with words, especially if they were directed at an incredibly handsome man. "Great. See you then" said Dean, backing up towards the door, hitting a shelf on the way out. Maybe he wasn't as smooth as he originally thought. Castiel held back a laugh and grinned widely when Dean was gone.

This is what he had wanted all his life. He wanted someone to care for him, someone he didn't have to hide from. He hoped Dean would be that person for him. What was he thinking? He had just met Dean. He could be anyone and yet he couldn't get him out of his head; he couldn't stop himself from trusting him.

A couple hours passed and Castiel was getting nervous. He couldn't sit still and his palms were sweaty and no matter how many times he tried; he couldn't get himself to stop checking the door. Finally he heard the roar of an engine and felt his heart skip a beat. Dean pulled up right next to the entrance and Castiel walked out, nervously. "Get in" he heard Dean yell from inside.

The car was very shiny, and he could tell Dean took very good care of it. He slipped in the passenger side seat but before he could say anything, Dean hit the gas pedal and they went speeding off. Castiel's head flew back against the seat and he had to grab onto the side to keep from sliding into Dean as he made a sharp turn.

Dean laughed and eased up on the gas pedal, slowing back down to a reasonable speed. "I hope you like burgers because I know the best place in town" he said, shifting his eyes away from the road for a second to look at Castiel. A grin spread across his face as he saw Castiel, looking very tense and gripping the seat with white knuckles.

They pulled into a small parking lot outside of an old fashioned diner. Castiel had been by it many times but had never gone in. The place was filled with shiny red booths on top of black and white checkerboard tiles. A juke box was playing in the background, and an older waitress waved at Dean when they walked in. She showed them to a booth by the window. "We'll have two of my regulars. Oh and how about two chocolate milkshakes" Dean said, smiling at her. "Coming right up darling" the waitress named Carla said.

Dean smiled and sat back in his seat "trust me they have the best burgers and shakes around." She brought their shakes out a couple minutes later, topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Castiel took a drink of his and smiled "that is the best milkshake I have ever had" he said. Dean nodded and took a large drink, his face crinkling in pain as he held his forehead with a brain freeze. Cas couldn't help but laugh.

The next couple of minutes were a little awkward. Dean stared at him and Cas smiled back, not really knowing what to say. "So tell me about yourself" Dean said, breaking the silence and leaning back in his seat.

"Well…" Cas started, thinking for a minute "I just graduated college not that long ago where I studied art and design. My dream is to own my own art studio" said Cas, his cheeks getting pink "so for now I'm working at the gas station until I can find another job" he added. He looked up and Dean was smiling at him which made him blush even more. "I would love to see some of your art" Dean said just before Carla came over with their food. "Here you go darling. Yell if you need anything" she said, setting their food down in front of them and smiling as she walked away. The food smelled amazing and Cas heard his stomach rumble. He didn't realize how hungry he was.

"What about you?" asked Cas, in between bites of his delicious burger. Dean cleared his throat "I'm a mechanic, my car is my baby and I love classic rock, burgers and a good beer." He paused for a moment like he was listening to something. "I'll be right back" he said as he reached in his pocket and pulled out some quarters, walking to the juke box. He sat back down as "Hey Jude" by The Beatles filled the diner.

Castiel smiled wide "you like The Beatles?" he asked. "The Beatles are my favorite band" he added. "Of course I like The Beatles. They are one of the best bands in music history" he said, singing along to the music quietly. They finished their food and talked for a while. The diner was clearing out, and Cas glanced over to the counter to see Carla staring at him and smiling. She must have seen him look because she glanced down quickly and continued wiping down the counter.

Cas's cheeks turned a little pink and he looked back at Dean who was drumming his fingers on the edge of the table and humming lightly to the song playing in the background. He looked up and noticed Castiel looking around and waved Carla down for the check. "Here" Cas said, sliding a 20 across the table. "No, no. I got it" Dean said, grabbing money from his wallet and handing Cas back his money. Cas sighed but put the money back in his wallet. "Next time" Dean said, smiling and standing up.

Dean drove him back to his apartment, the music loud. Cas noticed that he drove significantly slower than earlier and he was happy for it. Not only was he glad to not be going 20 over but it gave him more time with Dean. More time actually interacting with another human being.

Dean pulled up next to his apartment and got out. "Thanks, Dean. I had a great time" said Cas, getting out of the car. Dean leaned against the car door and waved "so did I. Maybe we could do it again sometime' he said, watching Cas leave, who turned and waved at him once more before fumbling for his keys. He stood there until Cas was inside and then pulled away.

The minute Castiel got inside, he couldn't stop smiling. He was so excited. Excited that he had found someone he could spend time with. Excited that for once in his life he didn't feel alone and excited that Dean meant something to him and maybe he meant something to Dean.

He crashed down on the couch and tried to fall asleep but his mind was racing. He couldn't stop thinking about Dean. His smile, his eyes, his voice. Everything about him was beautiful and Castiel could already feel himself falling for him.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Castiel woke up later than usual. He looked at the clock and bolted out of bed, panic running through him. He must have slept through his alarm. He ran over to his closet and pulled on the first tee shirt he could find, tugging his blue vest on over the top. He grabbed his jeans from the day before and put them on. Brushing his teeth and running his hands though his hair he ran out to the living room and reached for his shoes. He would have to skip breakfast today.

He was about to head outside when a realization stopped him. He had left his bike at work. Great, now he would have to wait for the bus to show up, and he was going to be late for sure. He cursed under his breath and opened the door but before he could make it past the threshold, he ran into his bike, almost tripping over it. There was a note on it that read: "Hey blue, you forgot your bike." A rush of excitement and relief went through his body when he heard the honk of a horn. He quickly glanced up and smiled widely, seeing the very recognizable Impala.

Dean was parked by the sidewalk "Come on, I'll take you to work. It's too cold to ride your bike anyways" he yelled, opening the passenger side door for Cas. Castiel smiled and walked up, pulling on his shoes. "Thanks but I need a way to get home and I don't want to inconvenience you." Dean looked out the window at him "you won't inconvenience me, blue. I'll pick you up after to."

Cas thought for minute and then slid in the passenger side seat, thanking him. Dean had called him blue. He had never really had a nickname before except for Cas. It was a nice change. It was getting colder and he could see his breath. There was a layer of frost on the parked cars around him. "Wait!" Cas said suddenly, jumping out of the car, causing Dean to slam on the brakes. He ran back to the house and locked it, before going back to the car. "Running a little late today sorry" he said, sliding in next to him.

Dean turned on The Beatles and smiled at him, turning the music up louder. The ride was short and Castiel didn't want to get out. "See you later blue" Dean said, driving away.

Everyday Dean would pick Castiel up and drop him off before and after work. Seeing Dean's face on a regular basis was something Cas looked forward to. Every time he saw him, he fell a little more in love with him.

After a couple months, Dean and Castiel were seeing each other regularly, and Dean was now someone he could trust and someone he cared about. Dean picked him up from work one night and it was already dark outside.

Dean pulled up to the sidewalk and turned the car off. He walked up to the porch with Cas and the orange porch light reflected in his green eyes. Castiel stared up at him and could see his breath swirling in the air and disappearing into the night. Dean stared into his eyes for a second before leaning in slowly and kissing his lips softly, opening his eyes and putting a hand on the side of Castiel's face. Castiel grabbed his leather jacket and pulled him closer, kissing his jaw. He glanced up and saw a group of tattooed bikers glaring at them from across the street. He quickly unlocked the door and they stumbled inside.

Castiel shrugged off his jacket and pushed Dean against the wall, running his hands up his arms and over his shoulders. He ran his fingers through his hair and kissed him again. He slipped Dean's jacket over his shoulders and threw it on the chair, running his hands under his shirt and over his smooth chest. Dean sighed and kissed his shoulders before Castiel grabbed his hand and led him to his bedroom.

The moonlight came in through the small window and Dean laid down next to Castiel, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him closer. "Cas, can I see your artwork?" he whispered into his ear, gently kissing his earlobe. "They aren't any good, you don't want to see them" Cas said, blushing a little. "Come on blue, I would love to see them" Dean urged, sitting up and refusing to move until Cas did what he wanted.

"You're impossible" Castiel sighed and walked over to a box in the corner. He pulled out some of his paintings and leaned them up against the wall for Dean to look at "I told you they weren't good." Dean smiled and stood up looking closer "babe, these are amazing. You have a lot of talent" he said "you should paint for me sometime" he added.

Dean picked up a painting of a library with books scattered about and his face became sad as a memory flashed across his eyes. A couple months ago, Castiel might not have noticed the slight change in his features but after spending so much time with him, he knew every contour of Dean's body and could easily spot when something changed.

"What's wrong?" asked Cas, sitting next to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. Dean's eyes lingered on the picture and then he shook his head as if to shake away the thought in his mind. "You can tell me, Dean" said Cas, grabbing his hand.

Dean sighed and looked at him and Cas could have sworn he saw a small tear build up in the corner of his eye. "When I was younger I used to live with my dad and my younger brother Sammy. I hated my dad. He was barely ever around and when he was, I would wish he wasn't" Dean started while Cas urged him on. "Sam and I pretty much took care of each other. He was a good kid; smart and reading was one of his favorite things to do" said Dean, smiling weakly.

"Anyways, one night dad came home, staggering and clutching a bottle of whiskey like it was the most important thing on earth. Sam was reading instead of cleaning up like he wanted him to. It wasn't even a big deal but dad got mad. He took out his anger on Sam and bruised him up pretty bad. The next morning Dad was passed out on the couch and Sam was gone. He left a note saying he had to get away from there. He couldn't take living with dad any longer. He wasn't a little kid anymore so I knew he would be alright but I had no idea where he went. He was the only thing that kept me sane, and he was gone" Dean said, sighing. "I looked for him but he never contacted me again and I haven't seen him since. I never got to say goodbye to him."

Dean let his head fall and he looked down at his feet, his elbows on his knees. "I'm sorry Dean" Castiel said, putting a hand on his back and moving it in soothing circles. "I haven't seen my brother in almost 7 years and I should have been there for him. I should have heard him leave. I should have….protected him" he said, his voice cracking. "Dean, that wasn't your fault. It was no one's fault but your dad's. Don't blame yourself" Castiel said, grabbing his hands and kissing his palm.

Dean shook his head and murmured an apology. Castiel grabbed Dean's shoulder and turned him so he was facing him. "Don't be sorry. I told you that you could talk to me and you can, now and forever. Don't ever apologize for that" he said, putting a hand on the side of Dean's face and moving his thumb over his cheek.

Dean looked up and gave a weak smile, running his fingers over Castiel's shoulder "Cas, I think I'm in love with you" he said. Castiel smiled and brought their foreheads together and kissed his lips "I love you too Dean and I will never leave you." Dean laid down and pulled Cas down next to him "I know baby" he said as he fell asleep with Castiel in his arms.

The next morning Castiel got up quietly not wanting to wake Dean up. He went to the kitchen and made coffee and toast. He was buttering his toast when he felt someone put their arms around his waist and a chin rested on his shoulder. He looked sideways and smiled at Dean "good morning" he said. Dean kissed his cheek and grabbed a cup of coffee and joined him at the table.

Castiel ate his toast and Dean stared at him, smiling. "What?" Cas asked, looking up at him. "Nothing. You're just beautiful you know that?" Cas blushed a little and finished his food quickly. He got up and went to the room with Dean following him. He pulled his white shirt over his head and put on his jeans when he felt Dean tug at his arm. He pulled Cas onto the bed and kissed him, running his hands under his shirt. "Dean….Dean I have to go to work" he said, smiling and pulling away. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to cuddle up in Dean's arms forever and ignore the world. He wanted to ignore the constant silence from his disapproving family. He wanted to ignore the stares that he got whenever he and Dean went out as a couple, and most of all he just wanted to be with the one person who truly understood him and cared about him.

After a couple more kisses Dean let Cas up. "Fine, but we're starting where we left of when we get home" Dean said, smiling as he watched Cas get ready for work.

Dean dropped Castiel off at work and the day went by like it usually does, somewhat busy for a while and then slowly dying down as the day went on. Castiel was sitting at the counter watching the small muted TV when he heard the bell on the door ring. He looked up and a group of about five bikers came in. They looked around the store and grabbed a large pack of beer and some other items. They glanced at him but they all stayed silent, looking at Cas like he was a disease. Something about them made Cas nervous, and he was relieved when they left.

Shortly after, Castiel's shift was over and he was happy to get out of there. He went to the back and grabbed his things, and waited outside in the dark for Dean to pick him up.

With the weather still cold, he shifted his feet to keep blood circulating throughout his body. He heard the rev of an engine and looked up, expecting it to be Dean but it was the same group of bikers that came into the store a couple minutes earlier. One of them was revving his engine loudly and the other four started walking towards him "look boys, it's the freak we saw yesterday" one of them said. Cas didn't know what they were talking about, and then realized they were the same men that saw him and Dean kissing the day before. He looked around anxiously for Dean and tried to ignore them.

They got closer and he backed up a little "Please leave me alone. I don't want any trouble" he said, putting his hands out in front of him. "We don't like your kind. You're dirtying up our neighborhood so why don't you take your pretty boy boyfriend, do us both a favor and take your gay ass somewhere else" said the same biker, getting in his face. Castiel was angry but knew better than to get in a fight with them.

"Are you deaf?" the man yelled in his face and pushed him, causing him to hit the wall behind him. "Please stop" Castiel said, putting his hands up and trying to get past him. The man grabbed him by the collar and slammed him into the wall. Pain shot through his skull and tiny black dots swam in his vision.

Castiel struggled but the man was significantly taller than him and weighed at least 100 pounds more. The other bikers stood around them, keeping watch in case anyone showed up. "You're going to learn your lesson for being the filth that you are" he said, punching Castiel in the stomach. The wind was knocked out of him and he doubled over but before he could recover he felt a hand on his shoulders, pushing him upright, and a fist collided with his face. He felt blood pool on his lip and slide down his chin. Quickly, he brought his fist up and punched the man across the face. He staggered a little but it didn't faze him much, it only made him angrier.

The man snarled and slammed him against the wall again. Just as he raised his fist, Cas heard the screech of tires and headlights blinded him. He hunched over and put a hand to the back of his head as he tried to catch his breath. "Get the fuck away from him" he heard Dean yell. He glanced up and saw the silhouettes of the men fighting against the bright light of the car.

He got up slowly just as Dean got punched across the face. Cas flinched but before anyone could get another punch in they saw a man walking up the alley "what's going on here?" the man yelled. The bikers glared at them "you're disgusting" he spat at them, before getting on the bike and quickly speeding away on his motorcycle with the other four following.

"Are you guys alright?" the guy asked as Dean helped Cas up. His face was bleeding and he probably had a concussion. "They hang around here often, always causing some sort of trouble" he said. "We're fine" Dean said, helping Cas in the passenger seat and thanking the man before driving away quickly. He was gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles and Cas could tell he was furious. "Dammit Cas, I could fucking kill them right now" Dean said through gritted teeth. The car turned and Cas looked around, confused "where are we going Dean?"

"I'm taking you to the hospital" Dean answered, going at least 15 over the speed limit. "Dean slow down. I'm fine. There is no need for you to take me to the hospital" Cas said, putting his hand on Dean's arm. Dean let off the gas pedal a little and glanced over at him but didn't change his direction. "Dean please. I'll be fine" he said, putting his hand on his shoulder.

Dean sighed and turned towards him. "Fine but you have to let me take care of you" he said, turning the car around and heading back to Cas's apartment. He pulled up to the sidewalk and grabbed Castiel's arm, pulling him inside. He led him to the bathroom and made him sit down on the toilet. Dean grabbed the first aid kit, his lips still pursed in anger.

He took a cloth, got it wet and pressed it to the cut on Castiel's lip, wiping away the blood gently. 'This might sting a bit" Dean said softly, putting a small amount of disinfectant on the cut next to his eyebrow. Cas winced slightly. Dean grabbed a band aid and put it over the top and stepped back, looking at him. "Any other holes I need to patch?" Dean asked, grabbing his hands. "No Dean. My head hurts but I don't think you can do much for that" Cas said, giving him a weak smile, trying to reassure him.

Dean led him to the bed and pushed him down lightly so he would lay down. "Cas look at me" Dean said, putting a hand on Cas's chin and tilting his face so he would look at him. Cas met Dean's green eyes but they were filled with sadness. The light that filled them was gone and anger replaced it. "If anyone ever touches you again, I will fucking kill them. I won't let anyone hurt you again" he said, sitting next to Cas and taking his hand. "I know Dean" Cas said, pulling Dean down beside him. Dean wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed his lips.

"Cas, I've been thinking. My place isn't great but it is in a better neighborhood than this. If those guys live around here, there is no saying they won't try and hurt you again" Dean paused "do you want to move in with me?" he asked. Cas was surprised by this question. Moving in was a big step but Dean did have a point, his apartment wasn't in the best of areas and it's not like he had really settled in yet. "Are you sure you want me there?" he asked. "Of course. Cas, I love you and I want to spend every day with you" Dean replied, putting a hand on the side of his face. Cas smiled and pressed his forehead to Dean's, closing his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning Cas heard the annoying beep of his alarm clock, pulling him out of his dream. He heard Dean move beside him and hit the off button "you can take a sick day today, I already took care of it." Castiel's head still hurt, he was sore and he didn't have the energy to try and change Dean's mind. Before he knew it, the world faded and he was pulled back into sleep.

_"__So Cas, any girls at school you have an interest in?" Castiel's dad asked him over the dinner table. Great. This was the question Cas had been dreading. "No dad" Cas answered, looking down at his food as he moved it around with the fork. "Come on, you have been going to that school for four years now, really after all this time there isn't a girl you like?" his dad said again "unless you like boys" he joked, laughing at himself. Cas stayed silent and avoided eye contact. It might have been a joke to his parents, but it was completely real for him. "Son, you don't like boys do you?" his dad asked, a hint of concern and anger in his voice._

_ "__I…um" Cas started but his dad cut him off "you're gay? Shit. Our son is fucking gay" his dad yelled, his face turning red. His mom put an arm on his shoulder to calm him down but his dad shook it off. He stood up and grabbed Cas's arm, pulling him up and dragging him to his room. "Get what you need and get out" he yelled, pushing him. "Dad please" Cas begged, tears streaming down his face. His mom ran in behind him. She looked sad and scared but she didn't try to stop him. _

_Cas grabbed his backpack and put some things in it, barely having time to look around his room before he felt his dad's hand grip his arm tightly. He dragged him to the front door and Cas turned around, looking at his younger sister, Anna. He looked into her scared eyes and knew this would be the last time he would see her in a long time. He didn't have any time to say goodbye before his father pushed him outside "you are not my son. You are a disgrace to this family. I don't want to see your face again" he yelled, his face reddening before he slammed the door shut. _

Cas felt someone shake him gently and his eyes opened, the light of the morning blinding him temporarily. His face was sticky with tears and he saw the blurry outline of Dean's face close to his. "Cas what's wrong?" Dean asked, putting his arms around him. Castiel rubbed his eyes and dried his face "it was just a dream, Dean. I'm fine" he said, but Dean could see right through that lie. He stared at him and waited until Cas explained.

Cas sighed and sat up. "When I was 18, my dad found out that I liked guys. I wasn't openly gay, at least not around most people. He wouldn't have known unless I told him but when he found out, he couldn't handle it. He was very religious and thought that homosexuality was a sin. He told me to get what I needed and get out. I went to go stay at one of my friend's house for a while." Cas explained.

"Have you seen your family since?" Dean asked, looking at him with sympathy. "No. My parents pretty much disowned me. They wouldn't want me to come back. I have a younger sister, Anna. We tried to keep in touch but it became hard when we both had our own lives to worry about" he said. He looked down at the blanket and played with the frayed edge when he felt Dean's arms wrap around him and his face was buried in his chest. "I will be your family" Dean whispered in his ear and kissed his cheek. Cas wanted to stay there forever. He felt safe in Dean's arms and knew that he would always accept him.

"Come on" Dean finally broke the silence, gabbing Cas's hand and pulling him off the bed. Dean dragged Cas to the kitchen and started searching through the cupboards. Cas laughed a little at the determined look on Dean's face "sorry, I don't have much in terms of breakfast. Or anything else for that matter." Dean moved over to the fridge and looked through its contents "I'll make something then" he said, smiling back at Cas.

Cas sat at the small kitchen table and watched Dean cook. He was wearing a blue apron that had been given to Cas as a gift from someone he could no longer remember. He threw together an omelet with some deli ham and cheese while twirling the spatula in the air and singing along, badly, to the radio that was playing in the background.

Dean put the omelets on two plates and set them down on the table, singing along loudly. "Thanks babe' said Cas, laughing at Dean, though he thought it was really cute. They ate their breakfast with the radio playing quietly in the background. Dean finished his quickly and waited, tapping his feet for Cas to finish. "How are you feeling?" Dean asked, his eyes moving up to the bruises on Cas's face. "I'm fine, Dean" said Cas as he got up and cleared the dishes, leaving a pile in the sink to be cleaned later.

A loud ringing cut through the sound of the radio and Dean picked up Cas's phone "Hello, oh um yeah, he's here" Dean said, handing the phone to Cas and looking at him. Cas felt a rush of excitement and nerves run through him "Hello, this is Castiel" he said, his voice wavering slightly. Dean turned down the radio and sat on the edge of the table. "Thank you. I'm really looking forward to it. I won't let you down" Cas said, hanging up the phone and smiling widely.

"Well are you going to tell me what that is about, or are you going to leave me wondering?" Cas walked over to Dean "I didn't tell you because I wanted to be sure first, but a couple weeks ago I applied for a job at the art gallery. They wanted an interview, and I just got the call saying they wanted to hire me" he explained "and I showed them some of my art, and they are going to allow me to put up a painting of my own every two weeks in the gallery."

"What? Babe that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you" Dean said, standing up and wrapping his arms around him "When do you start?"

"They want me to start on Monday. I put in my notice at the gas station. Tomorrow will be my last day" he said. Dean smiled wide and took his hand, kissing it "I wish you would have told me sooner. I'm so proud of you."

Cas's last day at the gas station felt miserably long, but when it was over he packed up the small amount of stuff he had and left without looking back.

The alarm went off at 8:00 on Monday morning but Cas was already up. He jumped out of bed and got ready quickly. "Dean, help me" he said, grabbing Dean's arm and pulling him over to a box of his paintings. "I need you to help me pick out a painting to put up."

Dean looked through the box, his hair still ruffled from sleeping. He held up one of a tree in the fall on one half and the same tree in winter on the other "This is amazing. This one." Cas looked at it and after a couple minutes, decided it would be the one.

A half hour later, Dean was pulling up beside the art gallery. "Good luck. I know it will be great" he said, giving Cas a quick kiss. Cas felt nervous and excited at the same time as he opened the doors and met a tall woman in high heels. "Hi, I'm Castiel, I'm here for my first day" he said, shaking her hand and shifting his painting under his arm. "Oh yes, hello Castiel" she said as she led him over to a wall on the right side of the gallery. "This is where we feature local artists and being an employee, you are guaranteed a spot on the wall if you would like" she said, glancing at the canvas under his arm. "Oh yes, I brought this" he said, showing it to her, blushing a little. The only person who had ever seen his art was Dean. "This is actually very nice" she said, taking it from him and holding it up. She showed him around and told him what to do and got someone to put his painting up, with his name next to it.

Dean pulled up to the art gallery later that day and waited for a while. He was starting to get fidgety so he decided to go in and look around until Cas was done. He walked around for a bit and got to the local artists wall. He saw Cas's painting hanging up in the center and it filled him with pride "Changing of the Seasons, Castiel Novak" it wrote beside it. "I can't believe my art is actually up for people to see" he heard his boyfriend say beside him. Dean smiled at him "how was the first day?" he asked taking Cas's hand and leading him out to the car. "Already way better than my job at the gas station" he replied.


	5. Chapter 5

Cas felt happier in the next six months than he had in, well ever. His job was going well, and he had even sold a few paintings. Dean had convinced him to move out of his crappy apartment and into his. It was a little bigger and in a better neighborhood. Dean insisted that he hang up some of Castiel's artwork as he helped Cas get settled in.

Cas was contemplating which painting to hang up when he felt Dean's arms wrap around him from behind. "I like them both" Dean whispered in his ear before Cas could even ask the question. He sighed and set the paintings down, turning around in Dean's arms. His eyes met the sparkling green ones and he scanned the work of art standing before him, his eyes landing on every freckle on his face.

Dean pressed their lips together gently and placed a hand over Castiel's cheek, running a thumb smoothly over his temple. "This can wait for a while" he said, pulling Cas away from the boxes and towards the bedroom. Cas felt the cool wall behind him as Dean's fingers pulled at his clothes. He felt a flurry of excitement and tugged at the buttons on Dean's shirt. Dean threw both of the shirts behind him, not caring where they landed.

Cas shuddered slightly as Dean's cool hands ran over his chest and lingered at his sides as Dean pushed himself closer. "Our housewarming party" he whispered in Cas's ear before kissing his neck, his tongue gently brushing against his skin. Dean's hand locked around his thighs as he lifted Cas up and wrapped his legs around his waist, carrying him to the bed. He laid him down and pushed on top of him.

Cas let his hands travel down Dean's smooth chest and over his stomach, down towards his hips. Dean's sucked in a breath as his hands brushed over his pants and worked at the zipper. He shimmied his pants down his legs and Dean kicked them off, helping Cas out of his. Cas pushed his hips up towards Dean, wanting to feel their bodies close together. Dean's fingers danced over his skin as he planted kisses over his whole body. Every touch, sending flurries of excitement over his body and making his cheeks blush.

Cas ran his hands over his back and dug his nails in his shoulder blades as Dean rubbed against him creating friction. His fingers traced over his muscles and followed the smooth contours of his back, slowing exploring every inch of his boyfriend's body. The soft fabric of his underwear slid under his finger tips and he moved his hand over his hipbones, feeling Dean shiver above him.

"I want you, Dean" he mumbled, breathing heavier as Dean's lips trailed over his chest, tickling at his ribs. Dean smiled into his stomach as he pushed closer to Cas, grinding their hips together. "I love you Dean Winchester" he whispered feeling Dean's breath hot on his skin "I love you too." Dean reached over and turned out the light, enveloping their bodies in the dim moonlight shining through the blinds. Cas never wanted this moment to end. In this moment, their bodies developed a rhythm in the night, their breathing synchronized, and they became one.

The next morning Cas awoke to a disappointing emptiness beside him as he squinted at the morning light that peeked its way through the blinds. He stretched and quietly walked out of the room. Dean was leaning against the counter, a hand to his head. His eyes were squeezed shut and his body looked rigid from something Cas couldn't see. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. Dean's head snapped up and he quickly wiped any indication of pain from his face. "Oh nothing, just a headache. I'm fine" he said through a forced smile.

Dean turned around quickly to grab a coffee mug, which must have set off his previous upset because he swayed slightly and grabbed onto the counter for support. Cas rushed forward and put his hands on his sides, supporting him in case he needed it. "Ok, please tell me what's wrong" he said, pushing his face in Dean's line of sight, forcing him to look at him. Dean just shook his head "nothing really, I'm just tired that's all" he said, trying to sound reassuring. Cas pursed his lips and let go of Dean but he didn't shift his gaze. "Fine, but if there is anything wrong, you would tell me right?"

"Of course babe" Dean said, flashing him a wide smile and trying a second time, this time more slowly to get the coffee mug. He poured two cups for them and took Cas's hand, leading them into the living room, pulling him down on the couch in front of him. Cas sat between his legs and leaned against his chest.

Dean turned on the TV and they watched the morning news, which wasn't very exciting. Dean finished his coffee and tangled his fingers in Cas's hair, massaging his scalp. Cas leaned into him and smiled but something on the TV caught him off guard. "Wait, Dean turn it up" he said, reaching for the remote before Dean had the chance.

Cas stared at the pictures on the screen and felt a rush of sadness and slight relief. "My apartment from before burned down" he said, looking at the images of the charred building, wondering how lucky he was that he wasn't still there. "That's awful. I could have still been there" he said, shuddering and glancing up at Dean. The news reporter said that it was arson and there weren't any deaths but many of the tenants were in critical condition with severe burns.

Dean took the remote from his hands and clicked the TV off. "It is horrible but I'm glad you're away from there. This neighborhood isn't great but it's way safer than that place" he said, tilting Cas's head back and kissing his forehead.

"Let's get out and go do something. The fair is in town, it might be dumb but it could also be fun" Dean suggested, smiling at him. Cas smiled weakly at him "ok" he said, getting up and pulling Dean up with him. He set the mugs in the sink and made his way to the bedroom, scanning the closet. It was cool outside so Cas picked out a dark blue sweater, some jeans and of course his converse. They were falling apart but they were one of the pairs of shoes he wore often.

Dean got ready quickly and waited outside by the car for him, leaning against the door, letting the sunlight shine across his face. Cas stood in the doorway and smiled as he watched Dean. The sun shined around him, creating a thin layer of bright light around his silhouette. Cas walked towards him and reached for the door handle "are you going to let me in?" he asked, smiling. Dean laughed a little and pushed Cas's hand away, opening the door for him and closing it when Cas got in.

The ride to the fairgrounds was short and Dean paid for their tickets. Cas laced his fingers through Dean's as they navigated their way through the crowds and hoards of screaming little kids. "Let's go on the Ferris wheel" Dean pointed at the large wheel across the park. Cas nodded and headed in that direction with Dean taking the lead, pulling them through the people. Cas could feel the stares of the people they walked by but he tried to ignore it.

"Two tickets" the man operating the Ferris wheel said, putting a bucket out. Cas ripped off four tickets and set them in the bucket, pulling Dean onto a car. The ride rotated slowly at first and then got a little faster. Cas set his hand on Dean's knee and watched his face as they reached the top. Dean looked out over the fairgrounds and smiled, his hair lightly blowing in the wind.

Dean looked around, wonder filling his eyes as he looked at Cas. "This is great. I've never been on a Ferris wheel before" he said, his eyes watering a little at the corners from the cool air "actually I've never really been to the fair before. My dad wasn't one for things like this" he added. "Well then I'm glad I could be here with you" Cas said, smiling and kissing Dean gently as the ride went back down.

They went around a couple more times and finally it slowed down and they stepped off, their seat being instantly filled with little kids. Cas took his hand and they went on a couple more rides before heading over to a food booth. They ordered two corn dogs and sat on the bench to eat them. Dean bit into his and smiled "remind you of anything?" he asked, laughing. "Dean gross" Cas said, hitting him in the arm and glaring at him but he couldn't help but laugh a little. They ate their food and decided to go try some games.

"Let's do this one" Dean said, pulling him towards a ball toss. They paid for three tries each and the man handed them the baseballs. "Knock over the cans and win a prize" he said in a bored voice. Cas stepped up first and threw his ball but it hit the wall behind it and bounced to the right. He tried again and the ball somehow managed to bounce over the cans. "Last try babe" Dean said, smiling. Cas aimed the ball and threw it but missed the top can by an inch.

He stuck his lip out pretending to pout. "I'll win you something" Dean said in confidence. He took his first ball and aimed, knocking over all three cans. Dean smiled and turned to look at him "I told you." The man, with very little excitement, gestured to the prizes and Cas picked a small blue fish "it matches my eyes" he said.

Dean laughed a little and wrapped his arm around him. Cas looked around and saw a lot of teenage couples. He remembered when he was a teenager. He had a few relationships in high school, but thinking about it, none of them would ever compare to the way he felt for Dean now.

They walked around for a while and looked at some things but after a couple hours, they were cold and ready to head home. "That was fun" Cas said, putting his hand on Dean's thigh as he drove back. "Yes it was" Dean said, smiling and putting one hand over Cas's. They drove back to the apartment with the soft hum of the radio.

When they arrived home, Dean ordered pizza and it came 30 minutes later. They ate their pizza quickly and just as they finished Dean jumped up. He ran over to the CD player and put in Frank Sinatra. The soft jazz flowed through the apartment and Dean took Cas's hand and lifted him up. "Dean, what are you doing?" he asked, dragging his feet. "Dance with me" he said, putting a hand on Cas's waist and pulled him close.

"Dean, I can't dance" he said, moving and accidentally stepping on Dean's foot. "I'll teach you" Dean whispered and looked down at their feet, moving Cas's hips so he was stepping the right way. "You're getting it" he said, smiling. Cas looked up and pushed himself closer to him wrapping his arms around his back and putting his head on his shoulder. He felt Dean's arms tighten around his back and they slowed down, moving just slightly to the music.

Dean buried his head in Cas's neck and ran his lips over his skin gently. "I love you" he whispered, planting a kiss with every word that he said. Cas tightened his arms around him and closed his eyes "I love you too, more than anything." They swayed to the music for a while, losing track of the time until they realized the music had stopped playing. Dean pulled away and smiled, kissing his forehead before walking to the bedroom to get ready for bed.


	6. Chapter 6

The next couple of weeks were busy. Cas worked his normal shift at the art gallery but Dean had to work overtime, sometimes coming home late at night. Cas could see how these extra hours were wearing on him. He was tired and had started to complain about his back. After a while another position was filled at the auto shop and Dean didn't have to work extra anymore. He came home in time for dinner that night, tired but happy to see Cas.

"Now, do I actually get to spend some time with you?" Cas asked over a pot of boiling noodles. He heard Dean walking closer "Wait, wash your hands first" Cas said, glancing at him and his hands, dirty with grime. "Alright mother" Dean said, laughing a little and scrubbing at the dirt until his hands were clean. "Can I touch you now?" he asked, wrapping his arms around Cas before he could give an answer.

Cas smiled and felt Dean's chin rest on his shoulder. "As much as I'm enjoying this, I have to take care of these unless you want soggy spaghetti." Dean laughed a little and moved out of the way. He liked to watch Cas cook. He was much better at it than Dean was. He watched as he transferred the noodles to a bowl of meat sauce. Cas put the bowl on the table and stood there, feeling like he was forgetting something.

"Oh no, the bread" he said suddenly, his eyes getting wide as he ran to the oven. He opened the oven door and a billow of smoke blew out. He took the bread out and frowned at it. There was a layer of black char. "It's alright, we can eat around it" Dean said, trying to hide a smile as he opened the window and used a washcloth to fan the smoke out. This was the first night in a while that Dean didn't come home to a precooked meal and later passing out on the couch before Cas got to really talk to him. Cas wanted to make it special and of course, he would do something stupid, like forget about the bread.

"Really baby, it's great. Thank you" Dean said, smiling and dishing himself up a large portion of noodles and taking a big bite out of the bread. Cas laughed a little as Dean tried keep his smile while he ate the charred crust of the bread but Cas could see right through him. He reached across the table, laying his hand down over Dean's on the table.

Cas was still eating when he saw Dean lean back in his chair and put a hand to his stomach "I'm full" he said, sighing and pushing his plate out of the way. Cas thought this was odd though because Dean barely ate any of his food. His plate was almost as full as it was when he started. "Did you not like it?" he asked, feeling a little sad and disappointed. Dean's eyebrow crinkled for a second but quickly his face returned back to its original smoothness, almost so fast that Cas wasn't sure if he actually saw anything.

"Oh no, it was delicious. I'm just not too hungry. I'll eat it later I promise" Dean said, flashing him a smile. Dean was never the type to pass up on food, especially after coming home from work. Cas didn't say anything and figured his schedule was still messed up from his change in work hours. Cas nodded at him and got up, clearing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. Dean was still sitting in the chair, his face looked distant and his eyes looked tired.

"Come on, you should catch up on your sleep" Cas said, grabbing Dean's hand and pulling him into the bedroom. "I'm sorry, I don't know what has gotten into me tonight. I'm just so tired" he said, changing out of his clothes and face planting into the pillow. "It's ok baby, get some rest" Cas smiled at him and rubbed circles into his back, bending down and kissing his temple.

Cas sat with him until he heard his breathing deepen and his body rose and fell in a slow rhythm. Cas looked around and saw his stack of canvases and his paints in the corner of the room. He looked down at Dean and grinned, slowly slipping off the bed. He quietly grabbed his stuff and sat down in the chair across the bed.

He started with a sketch and after a while he started to fill it in with color. Dean was beautiful with his ruffed hair, his lips open slightly and his hand pushed under the pillow, the other one gripping the blanket. His soft snores filled the room and Cas wanted to capture this moment and keep it forever. He loved Dean for everything he was, for his perfections and his flaws. To him, Dean was a work of art; Castiel's work of art.

Dean woke up later that morning, yawning and wiping a small trail of drool from his chin. He glanced up towards the window and saw a figure curled up on the small arm chair. He crawled out of bed quietly and let out a laugh, causing Cas to stir and open his eyes, squinting at the sunlight.

Cas jumped when he saw Dean leaning over him. Cas just realized he was probably a funny sight. He was a messy painter and had gotten it all over him. "Get any sleep last night, Picasso?" Dean asked, laughing and running his thumb over a blue splotch of paint on Cas's cheek. "A couple hours but this was more important" he said, running his hand through his hair and wincing a little when his fingers caught in a dried patch of paint in his hair.

"Can I see what you painted?" Dean asked, eyeing the corner of the canvas sticking out from behind the chair. Cas sighed and almost felt a little embarrassed "I guess." He reached behind the chair and carefully grabbed the canvas, not wanting to smudge the still drying paint.

He handed the painting to Dean and watched his face for a reaction. Dean's smile dropped as he concentrated on the artwork. A new softness spread over his face as his eyes glided over the canvas, before finally his eyes met Cas's.

"Cas, this is…this is amazing" he said, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he smiled wide. Castiel thought he saw a hint of a tear forming in the corner of his eye but just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. Dean stared at the painting for another minute before setting it down and taking Cas's hand, pulling him closer. Cas buried his head in his chest for a couple minutes and then stepped away. He looked down at himself and wasn't really sure how he managed to get so much paint on himself "I need to take a shower."

The water was refreshing and it cleansed his exhaustion away. He and Dean were lucky enough to get the same day off, so Cas took longer in the shower than he normally did, the water turning different colors as the paint mixed with the water.

He finally got out and wrapped a towel around his waist, going to the bedroom to get dressed. He met Dean in the kitchen and took the mug of coffee Dean had outstretched toward him. "Hello beautiful" Dean said, smiling at him before yawning widely, his eyes watering.

"Still tired?" Cas asked, taking a sip of his coffee. Dean ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes. "I just can't seem to shake out of it" he said, massaging his shoulder. Cas looked at him a little concerned. Dean didn't quite seem like himself and it made Cas worry. He shook the thought from his head; Dean was fine; he just worried too much. "Anything you want to do today?" Cas asked, leaning against the counter. "Anything as long as I'm with you."

They decided to spend the day having a movie marathon, equipped with popcorn and licorice. Dean was leaning against the side of the couch with Cas leaning back against his chest. They were on the third movie when Dean started to get restless under Cas. Cas turned around and looked at him, his face dropping in concern. Dean was fanning his face and he was covered in a layer of sweat. Cas put the back of his hand against Dean's damp forehead and his concern worsened when he felt how hot Dean was.

'Stay here" he said, getting up and rifling through a box finally finding a thermometer. "Come here" Cas said, lifting Dean's chin up and sticking the thermometer under his tongue. After a minute he heard a beep and checked it. 102.5 It showed. Cas jumped up and grabbed his coat. "Come on, I'm taking you to the doctor" he said, knowing Dean would protest. But surprisingly he didn't.

As if Cas wasn't worried enough, Dean was silent on their way to the urgent care clinic. The fact that Dean wasn't making some comment about how going to the doctor was stupid, or that it was a waste of time, meant something really was wrong.

Cas drove quickly and turned into the parking lot, walking around to the passenger side and helping Dean out. Dean pushed his hands away, insisting that he could do it alone but a dizzy spell would prove that to be wrong. Cas finally got him into a chair in the waiting room and he started filling out the paperwork.

Dean was getting worse. His face had gotten a couple shades paler and he looked tired and weary. Cas turned in the paperwork and sat down with Dean, taking his hand and rubbing circles into his back with the other one.

Cas looked around at the other people in the waiting room. A man was clutching at his arm, his jaw clenched tight. A woman was sitting in the corner, three little children running around beside her. Everyone looked tired and sad and he knew this was the last place any of them wanted to be. The air was thick with the smell of cleanser and antibacterial soap, emitting more nerves and anxiety than he already had. The smell of hospitals and doctor's offices brought back memories he would have rather kept in the past.

_"__Hey, Castiel. Get your queer ass over here" Cas heard someone yell from behind. He heard the familiar voice and tried to shake it off, walking faster and gripping his books tighter. "Are you deaf? I said get over here" he heard the voice and inaudible whispers behind him, closer now. He ignored them again and kept walking, picking up his pace. If he could just get home, everything would be ok. He turned down the alley, a shortcut he found to be handy on especially cold days. He didn't look behind him but he still heard their footsteps. _

_He jumped when he felt a hand grasp his sweater and push him into a garage. "Please, leave me alone" he said, trying to get away. The tallest of the three boys hit his books, making them fall to the ground, a puff of dirt flying up and making him cough. He bent down to pick up the books and felt a knee collide hard with his stomach, one of his ribs making a pop. He yelled in pain and doubled over._

_"__You should have listened to me when I called you. Now I hate you even more" the tall one said, gripping him by the shoulders and punching him across the face. The other two boys stood there, laughing and watching the alley for anyone who could be coming. Another fist collided with his nose and another with his eye. _

_He was so fast that Cas didn't have time to try and block him. The pain got worse and he got weaker, falling to his knees. Another knee hit his already aching rib, causing him to cry out in pain. The blows stopped for a minute and Cas filled with relief, hoping they were done but before that thought got anywhere, he was pushed into the garage. _

_"__You make me sick, you know that?" he yelled at him "your kind is unnatural" he spat, grabbing his neck. Cas reached for his hands and tried to pry them away. The other boys were still laughing but they died down a little "Come on, let him go" one of them said, but the hands didn't loosen. Cas felt like he was breathing through a straw and black spots were dancing through his vision. _

_"__Let's go. He's had enough. Come on man" one of the boys said, putting a hand on the tall one's shoulder. Cas felt like he was going to black out when finally the hands loosened and he collapsed to the ground, breathing heavily. He heard footsteps running away from him and in less than a minute he was completely alone. _

_His whole body ached and he had to struggle to stand. He picked up his books and slowly limped home. By that time, he was late getting home and his parents were waiting for him. There was no getting around them. His parents were furious and wanted to know who did it but he lied and said he didn't know. The ride to the hospital was short and filled with the fuming of his father. _

_"__Did you even try to stand up for yourself?" he snapped, glaring at his son like it was his fault. He remained silent and stared down at the floor, the light from the window too bright to look at. They got him inside and waited in the waiting room. That hospital smell, filling his nose. They sat in silence and Cas could feel the sharp glare of his father, knowing that not for the first time, he had let him down._

_His dad wanted a strong, football playing son and that wasn't what he got. Sometimes he thought his dad hated him for disappointing him all these years. No matter how many academic achievements he earned, his dad was never satisfied. _

_Finally the doctor called him back and examined him. He had a fractured rib and a minor concussion, along with some other small bruises and cuts. They fixed him up and sent him home, his dad sending him straight to his room, his stare filled with disappointment. His mom came to check up on him, bringing him dinner, but his dad never did. _

"Dean Winchester?" he heard a lady say by him, pulling him out of his thoughts. Cas looked up at the nurse and took Dean's arm, helping him up and walking to the room that the nurse gestured to. Cas was going to wait outside but Dean wanted him to stay. He sat on the small chair in the corner of the room while Dean slumped on the bed, the paper crackling under him. Dean ran a hand through his hair, groaning a little as he rubbed at his neck, massaging the muscles.

Cas was getting anxious. It had been half an hour since the nurse ushered them into the small room and Dean was having a hard time staying vertical. His eyes were tired and he just wanted to lie down and sleep but every time he would try, he would get hit with a wave of nausea, sitting up quickly and putting his head in his hands.

Cas got up and ran his hand over Dean's back in small circles whispering to him that he was ok and just to try and relax. Finally after 20 more minutes there was a knock on the door and man in a white coat came in, holding a clipboard. "Hello. My name is Dr. Anderson" he greeted. "So Dean, want to tell me what's going on?" the doctor asked, sitting down by the end of the bed.

"I'm tired, my whole body hurts, I have a constant headache, I can't move without feeling like I'm either going to faint or puke and I have a fever" Dean mumbled, looking at him "102.5 when I last checked" Cas chimed in.

"Well let me take a look at you" the doctor said, setting down the clipboard and reaching for his stethoscope. He listened to Dean's heart, checked his vision and reflexes and looked over his body. He reached up to feel the lymph nodes on Dean's neck and Dean flinched, pulling his face away. "Your lymph nodes are swollen" the doctor said in concern, lightly running his fingers over his neck again.

He picked up his clipboard again and asked Dean more questions, which was tedious and time consuming. "Well Dean, I want you to get a blood test just in case" he said, telling them the directions to the lab.

Dean groaned and after thanking the doctor they navigated their way to the testing section of the clinic. They had to sign in and wait in another waiting room. They had been at the clinic for almost three hours and Dean just wanted to sleep. Cas sat down next to him and Dean leaned his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes. He wrapped his arm around him, running his hand over Dean's arm lightly as they waited.

Finally a woman called them back and Cas woke Dean up, helping him to his feet. The woman prepared the needle and told him what she was going to do. Dean didn't care; he just wanted to go home. She poked the needle into his arm and Dean watched it fill red. "Alright, we'll get this to the lab and we should have your results in a few days" she said, smiling at him.

The doctor had told him about some medicine to lower the fever and help with any pain he was feeling but other than that, there was nothing they could do at the moment. He stopped by the pharmacy on the way home, picking up the medicine the doctor had suggested.

Cas drove home, glancing at Dean every now and again. He was slumped in his seat, his head resting against the window as his eyes closed. The drive was silent except for Dean's quiet breathing. That doctor's visit scared Cas. What if this wasn't a normal cold or flu and something was seriously wrong with Dean?

He pulled into their parking space and went around to the passenger side, shaking Dean gently. "Come on, baby. Let's get you inside so you can rest" he said, putting his arm around Dean. Dean groaned and walked slowly, leaning his weight on Cas. He walked him straight to the bedroom and laid him softly on the bed, taking off his shoes.

Cas went into the kitchen and brought back a cup of water and one of the pills he got from the pharmacy. "Take this and then you can sleep" he said, handing Dean the pill and lifting the cup of water to his lips. A dribble of water rolled down his chin and Cas wiped it away with his thumb. "Get some rest" he said, putting his hand on his forehead and turning out the light. He left the door partly cracked and could hear Dean's snores not long after he left.

Cas dug through the fridge and pulled out some leftover pizza from a couple days ago. He was going to finish the movie that he and Dean had started earlier but decided he would wait until Dean watched it with him. He was restless, not being able to sit still, so eventually he decided to just go to bed.

He climbed in quietly beside Dean and tried to fall asleep but his mind was racing. After about an hour, his vision darkened and he was pulled into sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_Dean was sitting on the stiff exam table wearing a hospital gown. The room was dimly lit and Cas could hear beeping noises along with coughing, crying, wheezing and yelling from outside the door. A doctor was standing in front of Dean, looking at him. They were talking but Cas couldn't hear what they were saying. _

_He tried to open the door but it was locked and the room was slowly getting darker. He turned around and Dean was lying down now. His eyes were sunken in his skull and he was ghostly pale. He had bruises all over his body that were showing up before his eyes. "Dean. Dean, what's happening?" he asked, looking down at him but Dean didn't hear him._

_"__He's dying" the doctor said "he's a dead man."_

_"__No, no he's not dying. He can't be" Cas said, tears running down his face. He looked back at Dean. He wasn't breathing and his eyes stared up blankly at the ceiling. "Dean, Dean no" Cas cried, trying to grab his hand but something was blocking him. The doctor in the background was listing off what the cause could be. _

_"__Heart attack, stroke, brain tumor, liver disease…"_

_Cas shook his head. Dean wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. The room temperature dropped and he was in a morgue. Dean's body was hidden under a body bag with only his head showing. _

_"…__cancer, AIDS, infection, tuberculosis, rabies,"_

_Cas looked around. The room was closing in around him and something started oozing from the wall. It appeared black at first and then slowly turned red and Cas realized it was blood. He looked down and Dean's body was uncovered, cuts and gashes ripping away at his once perfect skin. _

_"__Dean…Dean." _

Cas woke up, jumping when he realized he was in bed. He was breathing heavily and ran a hand over his face, looking over at Dean sleeping beside him. He leaned back against the pillow and sighed. He really did worry too much. Dean was probably just sick with the flu or something, he would be fine.

Dean was shifting around like he couldn't get comfortable. Cas put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him. His shirt was soaked with sweat and Dean's eyebrow was creased. "Hey Dean" he whispered, putting a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. He wasn't as hot as he was earlier, but he still had a fever.

Dean moved and opened his eyes, squinting in the dark. "Are you hot?" Dean groaned and nodded, pulling at his shirt. Cas helped him lift his shirt off and pulled the blanket off, down to just the sheet. "Here, drink some water" he insisted, lifting the glass to his lips. He got up and grabbed a wet washcloth, running it over his forehead lightly while Dean's eyes closed again.

The next morning, Dean's fever had dropped and he looked a little better. Cas woke up earlier, not being able to sleep very well, and he had to go to work, which he was not looking forward to. He got ready and went to sit with Dean for a little bit before he left.

"I don't know, maybe I should call in sick" Cas said, playing with the keys in his hands and still worrying, probably too much over Dean. "Cas, I'll be fine. Go to work. I can take care of myself" Dean said, smiling weakly at him. Cas was going to insist but Dean was looking better today, and they couldn't really afford to take that many days off.

"Alright, fine. But if you need anything just call me and I will come home, ok?" Cas said, raising his eyebrows at Dean and waiting until Dean agreed. "I love you" he said, bending down and kissing Dean's forehead. "Now get out of here before you're late" Dean said, smiling and waving him away, giving him a tap on the ass as Cas moved past him.

Cas had a hard time concentrating on work that day. He was worried about Dean, and he just wanted to be home with him. Every time the phone would ring, his heart would skip a beat, his mind convinced it was Dean, calling to tell him he needed help.

Cas glanced up at the clock for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Twenty minutes until his shift was over and then he could go home to Dean.

A young couple came through the door, holding a smiling baby, wiggling in the mother's arms. Cas greeted them and smiled at the baby "hi sweetness" he said, wiggling his finger at her. She opened her mouth in a grin and giggled, staring at him with bright green eyes. "She's beautiful" he said to the couple before getting out of their way to let them browse the art.

Cas stood by the wall, straightening a painting and glancing over at the family. He hoped that one day he and Dean could have a family of their own. They could get a small house and live together, nothing too fancy. Cas just wanted to spend the rest of his life with Dean. He wanted them to grow old together, complaining about creaky joints and noisy neighbors. He wanted to wake up next to him every morning and fall asleep next to him every night.

The couple left a couple minutes later, thanking him, the baby giggling and pointing at random things as they left the gallery. Cas looked up at the clock and finally his shift was over. He went to the back and grabbed his stuff, making sure his replacement was there before he left.

"Dean, are you alright?" Cas asked, before he was barely though the door. He heard some rustling in the living room and saw Dean, curled up on the couch, his hair ruffled and his eyes a little watery. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?" he asked, sitting down on the couch next to him and lifting a hand to his forehead. His fever was down and he looked a little better. Maybe this was just a sickness Dean would get over in a few days.

"I was just getting up anyways" Dean said, smiling a little. Cas missed that smile, he hadn't seen it in a while and was afraid he wouldn't for more time to come. "Are you hungry?" he asked, running his hand over Dean's forehead lightly and ruffling his hair.

Dean shrugged as Cas went into the kitchen and put on a pot of soup. Dean needed to eat and drink lots of liquids if he wanted to get over this and Cas wanted it to be sooner rather than later. He stood by the stove, stirring the soup and glancing over at Dean every couple of minutes. The smell of the chicken noodle soup wafted through the kitchen as he poured two bowls and filled a large glass of water.

"Here, you need to eat something" he said, setting the bowl and water glass down in front of Dean. Dean thanked him and twirled the spoon around in the soup, eating slowly. Cas finished his soup quickly and watched Dean shakily lift the spoon to his mouth. He sighed and put a hand on Dean's knee just as the ring of the phone cut through the silence. He bent down and kissed Dean's forehead before getting up to answer it.

"Hello?" he asked, putting the phone to his ear.

"This is Doctor Anderson. I am calling about Dean's blood test results" the voice on the phone said.

Cas felt nerves spread throughout his body "Oh, that was fast. I thought it would have taken longer. Is everything alright?"

"I had it set to priority and I think you and Dean should come in before I discuss anymore."

"Is it something bad?" he asked, looking over at Dean, who glanced up at him, fear creeping into his eyes.

"Just come in. I would rather not discuss this over the phone. I am not seeing any patients at the moment, and I think it would be best to speak to you in person" he said.

Cas agreed and set down the phone, his hands shaking slightly. He walked over to Dean and put a hand on his shoulder "He wants us to come in" he said. Dean set his bowl down after only eating a couple of bites and nodded.


	8. Chapter 8

The ride to the doctor's office was filled with anxiety and Cas could tell Dean was scared although he didn't say anything. He was fidgeting with his hands as he stared out the window. "It's going to be ok, Dean. Whatever the results, we will get through it together. I promise" he assured, looking at Dean who nodded slightly but didn't move.

They pulled into the parking lot and slowly made their way into the building. "Dean Winchester here to speak with Doctor Anderson" he said to the lady at the front desk. She must have been expecting them because she took them back to his office quickly.

"Thanks for coming in. Please sit down" he gestured to the chairs in front of his desk. Dean tiredly sat down in the chair and Cas sat down next to him, lacing his hands together to keep from nervously fidgeting with them.

The doctor looked at them with sympathy and sighed, putting his hands on the table. "When I was examining Dean, I noticed that his lymph nodes were swollen, so I had his test results set to priority in case my suspicion was correct" he started, pausing.

"What suspicion?" Cas asked, his nerves increasing.

"Dean's white blood cell count is very high…"

"What does that mean?"

"I'm so sorry. But I'm afraid Dean has leukemia" he said, his eyes sad.

"Cancer? No. No, that's not right. He can't have cancer" Cas said, his voice shaking as he shook his head in denial "No, he can't."

"It's called acute lymphoblastic leukemia. His blood has too many immature white blood cells and it's blocking his normal blood cells. Normally this type of cancer occurs in children and teenagers but it can occur in adults also. Dean will have to come in for chemotherapy so we can hopefully get him into remission" the doctor said, looking at them with sympathy.

Cas could barely hear what he was saying. There was a ringing in his ears and he felt like he was in a tunnel, the light getting farther away from him. He looked over at Dean and he could see tears forming in the corner of his eyes but he was silent. He was staring at the floor; most likely he had stopped listening to what the doctor had said after he said the word leukemia.

"He needs to get started with chemotherapy right away. This type of cancer is very aggressive and unfortunately it seems to be developing in Dean's blood very quickly. I am going to refer you over to an oncologist at the hospital."

Cas nodded and the doctor typed in some things on his computer. They set up his appointment at noon in a couple days and he told them about the treatment.

"Again, I'm very sorry about this. But I know the doctors at the hospital are going to do everything they can for you" he said, shaking his hand as he led them to the door.

The ride home was silent and Dean still hadn't said anything. He was staring out the window, facing away from Cas. Castiel's mind was racing. He had a hard time focusing and tried to push the thought from his head, at least while he was driving. He didn't understand how Dean could have cancer. He was fine a couple days ago. He was laughing and smiling and now today, he was dying. Dean was going to die. No…no he wouldn't let himself think that way. Dean was going to be fine. He was going to have chemo, and everything was going to be ok. He felt a tear fall down his cheek and he wiped it away quickly, not wanting Dean to see him. He had to be strong for him. Now, more than ever. Dean deserved that from him.

He pulled into his parking space and went around to the passenger side. Dean didn't move when Cas opened the door. He sighed and put a hand over Dean's. "Come on, let's get inside" he urged. Dean stared for a minute and then slowly got out of the car and walked to the door when Cas opened it for him.

Dean walked straight to the bedroom and laid down on the bed, not even taking off his shoes. Cas didn't follow him. Dean probably needed space, and he didn't want to crowd him.

He sat down on the couch by himself and stared at his feet. He glanced up and looked at the empty picture frame sitting on the table, which he hadn't filled yet. He went over to a desk that they had sitting in the corner of the room and scanned the growing pile of opened mail and other papers that they had let build up. His eyes spotted the yellow envelope and took a deep breath, opening it. Inside were pictures that they had developed a while ago but forgot about.

He flipped through them and pulled out a random one. Dean was smiling and his hair was sticking up from Cas messing with it. Cas was kissing his cheek and snapped a picture before Dean could pull away. Dean wasn't one for pictures but this was one of his favorites. It wasn't forced. It was real and it captured the happiness in their eyes that Cas hoped he would get to see again.

He slipped the picture inside the small frame and set it down on the coffee table. He wished things would go back to that time. Just two days ago, they were happy and planning their future together. Today, he didn't know if they would have a future.

He ran a hand through his hair and let the emotions run free. At first tears ran out of his eyes and then choked noises started coming out of his throat but he couldn't stop it. He cried until his throat felt raw and tears no longer fell.

He walked to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He was a mess. His hair was sticking up in all places and his face was red and puffy with trails streaking down his cheeks from the salty tears. His eyes were red rimmed and his nose was running. He wiped his face off and splashed some water on himself. Dean was the one that had cancer, and he was holding it together better than Cas was.

He gripped the sink and tried to stop shaking. He needed to hold it together. Dean needed that from him.

"Get it together" he said, looking at himself in the mirror and glaring at his own weakness. "Stop it. Stop it you coward" he yelled at his reflection, leaning closer. He felt like he wasn't even looking at himself. The man in the mirror wasn't him. Castiel was stronger than this. He would keep it together for Dean. He would be there by Dean's side and fight this. Castiel wasn't a coward. He wouldn't let this destroy him or Dean.

He breathed deeply and stared at himself, his face still red but the puffiness was going down. He sighed and opened the door leaving the bathroom. There was silence coming from the bedroom, and he assumed Dean was sleeping.

He opened the door quietly and stepped inside. There was a draft coming in from the window that was partly open but the breeze was nice. He moved over to the bed and noticed that Dean was lying on top of the blankets with his clothes and shoes still on. He moved to the bottom of the bed and untied Dean's shoes, slipping them off. He didn't want to bother him, so he just grabbed two blankets, spreading one out over Dean and keeping one for himself.

He laid down beside him and looked over, noticing that Dean actually wasn't sleeping. His head was resting on the pillow and he was staring towards the wall, now at Cas. Cas reached out and put a hand on his shoulder just as a tear fell from his eye and pooled on the pillow. He wrapped his arm around his back and pulled him closer, letting Dean bury his head in his chest.

He felt Dean's shoulders shake and could feel tears seeping through his shirt. "Shh it's ok. You're going to be ok" he soothed, running his hand in circles over his back and kissing his forehead. They laid like that for a while until Dean's breathing went back to normal and he pulled away.

Dean didn't say anything; he just laid back on the pillow and faced the other way, Castiel assuming he was trying to fall asleep. Cas stared up at the ceiling, sighing and letting his thoughts wander. After about an hour, his eyes got heavy and his vision blackened as he succumbed to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

A couple days later, Cas woke up early and called into work, telling them that he wasn't going to be there. Today was Dean's first day of chemotherapy and Cas wanted to, no needed to be there for Dean. He let Dean sleep a little longer; hoping he got more sleep than he did, but he doubted it.

He was standing by the coffee pot as it was filling up when he heard movement coming from the bedroom. Dean emerged from the dark room, his hair ruffled and his eyes surrounded by dark circles. "Good morning" Cas said, smiling at him, trying to lift the mood a little. Dean weakly smiled back but didn't say anything.

Cas sighed and poured himself a cup of coffee, sitting down at the table next to Dean. Dean was staring at his hands and was staying completely still. "Dean…" Cas said, putting his hand gently over his. Dean flinched a little and was pulled out of whatever thoughts he was submerged in. In what seemed like a long time, his green eyes looked up and met Castiel's blue ones but there was a new sadness there that had blocked out the happiness that used to light up his face.

"…it's going…" he started but cut himself off. He didn't know if it was going to be ok, if anything was ever going to be ok. He had to stop lying to himself, he had to stop lying to Dean. Dean nodded and got up, going to the bathroom, leaving Cas alone at the table.

It wasn't just Dean's physical absence that bothered him. Something else was missing. He was no longer the Dean that Castiel had fallen in love with. He was just a fraction of him, the part that had given up. The part of Dean that didn't want to fight.

Cas shook his head and stood up. He wasn't going to accept that. If Dean wasn't going to fight, then Cas would for both of them. Dean was going to get through this.

On the way to the hospital, Cas turned on the radio and changed it to Dean's favorite classic rock station. He glanced over at him and saw a small smile curl the corner of his mouth but it didn't last long. Dean was forcing any happiness away. He was giving up before they had even gotten a chance to try and fix things.

Cas pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and looked around for a map of which way to go. The sign said oncology was on the third floor. Cas took Dean's hands, feeling his fingers curl around his own as they made their way up. There were a couple people sitting in the waiting room as they went to check in.

"Dean?" a young nurse called, shortly after.

Dean glanced up, and stood up, pulling Cas with him. She put her hand out and gestured to the room he would be in. There were a lot of hospital beds all in rows, some had curtains closed and some were open. She showed him to his bed and got Castiel a chair to sit in next to him. Dean looked around trying to keep calm but Cas knew him too well. He could see the fear in his eyes.

The doctor came into the room and asked Dean some questions and talked to him about the treatment and the possible side effects. "We will give you an anti-nausea drug so hopefully that won't be too bad, but there is the possibility of mouth sores, fatigue, or body pain and unfortunately hair loss" she explained. She smiled at him reassuringly before turning to leave.

They sat there for a while before she came back with the treatment. "Ready?" she asked, setting the IV drip up next to him. Dean nodded and lifted up his sleeve, putting his arm out. The nurse stuck the IV into his arm and Dean watched as the liquid slowly dripped down the small tube. "I will check on you often but if you need anything, don't hesitate to say anything" she said before checking the IV again and going to check on another patient.

Cas watched as the fake smile on Dean's face faded as he leaned back on the bed, sighing and closing his eyes. He leaned forward and gently set his hand on top of Dean's on the bed, feeling his cold fingers underneath his own. Dean's eyes slowly opened and he made eye contact with him, his eyes filled with pain and anger.

He looked back into those emerald eyes remembering not long ago when they lit up with happiness and the skin around his eyes would crinkle when he smiled. It had only been a couple days but Cas already missed those things. The small things that made Dean who he was, made him special, were fading, and he was scared he wouldn't see them again.

Dean gently squeezed his fingers back before leaning his head back and staring at the ceiling, staying silent, his fingers brushing against Cas's every now and again.

About a half an hour into it, Cas got up to go get some coffee from the stand outside. He looked around as he walked back. The hallways were bright and yet they scared him. Some people went down those hallways, some with hope, some not. He wondered how many times he would have to walk through them, how many times Dean had to go through this, how long this would control their lives. He shook his head, managing to spread a fake smile across his face as he sat down next to Dean.

"Are you doing alright?" he asked, looking at the pale and sweating man in front of him. Dean nodded and returned his blank stare up at the ceiling. Cas nodded back and leaned back against the chair, sipping on his coffee.

About an hour later, Cas was looking down at his feet when he heard Dean moving around. He looked up and Dean had a strange look on his face. 'Dean, what's wrong?" he asked, looking at him in concern. Dean's hand motioned to the bucket on the table and Cas barely had enough time to lift it to him before he heard the awful sound of the puke hitting the bottom of the bucket. "Shhh you're alright" Cas said, running his hand in circles over Dean's back as he was bent over.

The doctor walked over and stood next to Dean, uttering some reassurances in his ear. He straightened back up and wiped his mouth with a look of disgust on his face. "Didn't you give him anti-nausea medicine?" Cas asked the doctor, feeling a little angry.

"Yes we did, but every patient reacts to treatment differently. Dean seems to be having a stronger reaction to the chemo than some" she said, a look of sympathy on her face.

She checked on Dean a couple more times in the next hour. He had puked two more times but most of all he just looked tired. The doctor came back for the last time, smiling at him "you're done for today" she said, slipping the IV out and putting a bandage over the mark on his arm.

She walked them to the exit and told them to call if they had any concerns "we should get you in for some tests in a couple days to see how you are reacting to the treatment and then we will go from there." They set up a time in a couple of days for another blood test and a bone marrow biopsy to make sure the cancer cells hadn't spread to his bone marrow.

"Come on baby" Cas said, putting his arm around Dean and slowly walking out to the car. He helped him into the passenger seat and pulled out of the parking lot, keeping the music to a low hum. Dean rested his head against the seat and stared out the window, looking as though his mind was in a different place. After an agonizing silent drive they arrived back at the apartment, Dean looking like he had no energy to even get out of the car. Cas went over to the passenger side and opened the door, reaching for his hand, but Dean waved him away 'I got it" he snapped, slowly getting out and walking to the door alone.

Cas sighed and closed the car door; walking in the apartment behind him "call me if you need anything" he called after him as Dean went into the room, closing the door behind him. He felt a pressure build behind his eyes and his throat felt tight. His fists clenched as he sat down on the couch, the seat next to him feeling empty. Dean was pushing him away, and he felt like there was nothing he could do about it.


	10. Chapter 10

About an hour later the timer on the stove cut through the silence. The smell of potato soup wafted through the kitchen as Cas walked a bowl of soup and a glass of water into the dimly lit bedroom.

"You should eat something" he said quietly, sitting down next to Dean and setting the bowl and glass on the nightstand. Dean sat up but didn't take the food "I'm not hungry." "Dean, you need to eat" he insisted.

"Dammit Cas, I said I'm not hungry. God, would you stop treating me like a fucking three year old" he yelled suddenly, putting his head in his hands. His face was getting red and he looked angry "Get out" he yelled, swinging his hand and accidentally knocking the glass to the ground.

Water splashed everywhere and glass shattered all over the floor. Dean stared at it and a tear fell down his cheek "Get out" he said again, his eyes staring intently at the floor. Cas looked at him and felt a hand push him away from the bed. The glass crunched under his feet as he hesitantly left the room, closing the door behind him.

His hand was still on the doorknob when a tear welled in the corner of his eye. He felt the door against his back as he slid down, falling to the ground, his head hitting the door. He pulled his knees up to his chest and let his forehead rest against them. Their life was falling apart, just like the glass, it was broken and he didn't know if he could fix it.

An hour later, his eyes were rimmed with red and his eyes were dry and sore. He moved from the door and laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling, letting time slip from his mind.

He must have fallen asleep because he woke up to the feeling of an arm wrapping around his waist. His eyes opened and he looked over to see Dean's face a few inches from his own. His head nestled into his shoulder and his hair tickled his neck. "I'm sorry" he whispered, Dean's hand moving over his chest.

Cas felt a smile tug at his lips as he kissed Dean's forehead and wrapped his arm around him "it's ok. I'm here, we're going to get through this together" he said.

The next day Dean wasn't looking any better. His face was pale and shadowed by dark circles that dulled the once bright green eyes that Cas was so used to seeing, and now wished he could see them once again.

Dean's forehead felt sweaty and cool under Cas's hand as he smoothed his hair back and gently placed a kiss below his hairline "I have to go to work, call me if you need anything" he said quietly as he left the room and walked his bike out to the sidewalk. The ride was calming. He liked feeling the wind blow through his hair and the sun beaming on his back.

Again, Cas found it hard to concentrate at work. He put on a fake smile and greeted the costumers but inside all he wanted to know was go home to Dean. Every minute he spent away from him, he couldn't help but think he was wasting the small time he could have left with him. He tried to focus on the small happy thoughts, but they left just as quickly as they came, only to be replaced with images of Dean, hurt and broken.

Cas's day for the next couple of weeks would follow the same routine. He would get up, check on Dean, leave for work and then race home after his shift to make sure he was still breathing. The nights were long. Neither of them got much sleep and when he did, he would wake up to nightmares but he guessed Dean's were much worse.


	11. Chapter 11

Cas was holding Dean's hand as they sat in the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the small doctor's office. Trips to the doctor's office were now a regular occurrence and Cas was starting to get used to the smell of antiseptic and the forced smiles of the nurses as they walked through the building. But he wasn't used to the pain he saw in Dean's eyes or his labored breathing and his struggle to move every time he got up. And he now wore a black beanie to cover up his head of thinning hair.

He heard the squeak of the door as the doctor joined them in the small room. He was holding a piece of paper and Cas took a deep breath, knowing that those results would determine the next steps in Dean's battle.

The doctor sat down calmly, the chair groaning slightly under his weight. He put the papers on his desk and licked his finger, flipping through them, a small crease forming in between his eyebrows. He stayed silent for a few moments.

The ticking of the clock was suddenly very loud and Cas could hear the noises of other doctors and patients outside the door. His knee started bouncing as he tried to control his nerves. He glanced over at Dean, who was staring at the paper. His jaw was clenched tight and he was picking at a loose string on his jeans.

"WHAT DO THEY SAY? WE HAVE BEEN WAITING ALL WEEK FOR THESE FUCKING RESULTS. OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND TELL US" was what Cas wanted to yell, but didn't. The silence was excruciating, and he could feel the tension building with every quiet second. He stared intently at the doctor, trying to read his body language. His tongue slid over his lips and finally he opened his mouth to speak.

"It looks as though the cancer isn't responding to the chemotherapy. It is continuing to spread with no intention of slowing. I'm sorry" he said. The words were like daggers in Cas's heart and a look to Dean told him that those words ripped apart any shred of hope Dean had left. Dean's eyes lowered to the ground and his hand squeezed Cas's.

"He can continue the chemotherapy or there is another option" he started, pausing to clasp his hands together. "There is an experimental drug that he could try. But I would have to warn you, it is experimental. There is no guaranteeing its success and the side effects would be more severe than the chemotherapy."

"Yes. Let's do it. If there is a chance this could work, we need to take it" Cas said quickly, without much thought.

"Dean, this is your choice. What do you want to do?" the doctor asked, looking over at the broken man sitting next to him.

Dean stayed so quiet at first that Cas didn't think he heard him but finally he lifted his head and nodded "I'll try it" he said, quietly.


	12. Chapter 12

Dean turned the small bottle over in his hands, reading the label. "Ready?" Cas asked as he handed him a glass of water. Dean took the glass with shaky hands and swallowed one of the pills, feeling as though he was swallowing the last bit of hope he had left.

Cas scheduled that day off so he could be there for Dean on his first day of the experimental drug. He went to the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee before joining Dean back in the bedroom. Dean turned on the TV, trying to get his mind on something else. They were about an hour into a bad hallmark movie when Dean jumped off the bed and bolted to the bathroom.

Castiel could hear the sounds of retching and puke hitting the toilet bowl before he even made it to the door. Dean was clutching the sides of the toilet, his back arched and heaving, his knuckles white. Cas crouched down beside him and placed a hand on the small of his back. It felt like it went on forever until Dean collapsed down against the wall of the bathtub, wiping his mouth and breathing heavily.

Their eyes met and the look in Dean's eyes made tears build up in Cas's eyes. The sounds of Dean's breathing echoed through the tiled bathroom and he clenched his eyes closed before Cas helped him up, gently leading him back to the bed. He went to kitchen to grab a wet washcloth, returning to let the cool water drip down Dean's forehead.

Cas didn't think he could see Dean look anymore exhausted, but after the end of that day, he was proven wrong. Dean had ran to the bathroom at least 3 more times to throw up nothing but water. Every time he would collapse down on the tiled floor, he would look more tired. It was about 5 pm when the body aches started. They would attack him randomly and Cas would hear Dean suck in a breath and his face would clench in pain.

Dean tried to be strong and not show the pain but as the pain got worse, he had a harder time controlling it. The room was filled with Dean's labored breathing and his groans as another pain would rip through his body.

Cas had his head in his hands when he felt clammy fingers curl themselves around his hand. He looked up and saw Dean with his eyes closed, his breathing slowing. He squeezed Dean's hand in response and gently moved his thumb over the outside of his hand. "Try and rest. It'll be better in the morning" Cas whispered, using his other hand to smooth out the small amount of hair that Dean had left after the chemo.

If Cas thought the night was going to be any better, he was wrong. The dark room was filled with Dean's attempts at trying to muffle his groans. Dean maybe got three hours of sleep and Cas, even less. Even when the room would fill with silence, Cas was too worried to sleep. He must have dozed off sometime in the early morning, because when he opened his eyes, the sunlight was beaming through the window.

Dean was sleeping quietly, his chest moving up and down slowly. Cas lifted the blanket off of himself and quietly pulled himself out of the chair he had fallen asleep in. He opened the bathroom door and the figure he saw in the mirror scared him. His hair was sticking up and he had circles under his red brimmed eyes. He hadn't changed out of his clothes from the previous day, and his jawline was covered in the formation of stubble.

The handle made a small squeak as he turned on the hot water, letting it pool in his cupped hands. He lifted the water to his face and hoped it would clean off his exhaustion but when he lifted his face to the mirror again, he looked no different. He gripped the side of the sink and bowed his head down, breathing deeply, tears threatening to spill over his eyes.

He shook his head and pushed the door open, composing himself. He cleaned up the room a little and went out to the kitchen to make some breakfast. He brought Dean a piece of toast and a cup of tea, but he expected him to still be sleeping. He opened the door quietly and set the tea down on the night stand, looking up, his eyes meeting with the Dean's green eyes.

"You're up. Are you hungry?" He asked, motioning to the toast. Dean shook his head and struggled to sit up with Cas's help. Cas fluffed the pillow and put it behind Dean's back but Dean moved his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself to his feet. He reached towards the nightstand and grabbed the small bottle, moving slowly to the bathroom. Cas put his hand on his arm and followed him.

Before Cas could do anything, Dean dumped the contents of the bottle in the toilet and flushed the pills away. "I can't do that again" he said, closing the lid and sitting down. Cas sat down on the side of the bathtub and took his hands. "If I only have a short time left to live, I don't want to spend it doing that everyday just for false hope."

"You don't know it's false. What if those pills helped" Cas said, looking into his eyes. "No, Cas. I am dying. I can feel it. I don't want to spend my last months like that" Dean said, squeezing Cas's hand.

Cas tried to say something but his throat closed and no words came. That was it. Dean had given up hope. He wasn't going to fight back. Dean had lost.


	13. Chapter 13

Because Dean refused treatment of any kind, there was nothing the doctors could do for him now. Dean had accepted the fact that death was close but he almost seemed relieved. He looked at his life with positivity and was thankful for what he had, not what he didn't.

Cas tried to go along with him, but it was hard for him, knowing the man he loved most in the world was accepting his death.

"Cas, let's get married" Dean said suddenly as he had his head in Cas's lap on the couch. This caught him off guard "Oh, um…" he started but was interrupted by Dean.

"Please Cas. Before I…you know, I want to marry you. I want you to be mine and for me to be yours" he said, taking Cas's hands in his own and tracing his finger over his left ring finger.

Cas thought about it for a minute but after seeing the happiness in Dean's eyes that had been absent for so long now, he couldn't say no. He nodded "Alright. Let's get married" he said, leaning down to kiss Dean gently on the lips.

A couple days later, Cas was on the computer for most of the day, looking things up and making phone calls. He went through a long list of people, scratching out names and adding new ones until he decided on a much smaller revised list of guests. They had decided that the wedding was going to be small and only include close friends and family. Dean was weakening so he wanted to get the date set as early as possible and they weren't planning on anything fancy.

His eyes skimmed over two names at the bottom of the list and he already felt a headache forming around his temples. It took a lot of work from him to get those two names and he wasn't going to give up now. He took a deep breath and picked up the phone, dialing the number he had written down. He heard the phone ring but after the third time, Dean came into the room, leaning against his desk.

Cas quickly cancelled the call and put the phone down, covering up the list. "What are you up to?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow and trying to look at the paper that was under Cas's arm.

"Nothing, just wedding stuff" Cas said, piling up the papers and putting them in the drawers. Dean wasn't convinced but he gave it up. Dean moved slowly, wincing and leaning against the desk next to Cas.

Cas felt skinny fingers, slid between his own and he looked up, seeing Dean smiling down at him. "I love you Cas" he said, his thumb lightly tracing patterns over the back of his hand. "I love you too, more than anything" he responded, bring Dean's hand up to his lips and gently planting a kiss on his palm.

Dean moved onto Cas's lap, leaning against his chest while Cas wrapped his arm around Dean's waist, kissing his cheek. Cas's lips moved gently along his jaw until they found Dean's chapped lips. He kissed them, moving his lips apart gently to slide his tongue inside.

He felt Dean's hands trailing down his back and over his thigh, until it rested on the bulge in his jeans. Cas sucked in a breath but continued kissing him, pulling Dean closer towards him.

Dean's fingers pulled at the hem of his pants, as he slid his hand beneath his underwear. Cas could feel his face get hot as his lips moved down Dean's neck. Cas hesitated before pulling away, wrapping his hand around Dean's wrist.

"Dean, I can't" he said, pulling away so he could look into his eyes. Dean glanced up at him and looked a little hurt. He licked his lips and his brow furrowed slightly. "This has happened too many times. We get close and then we have to stop because it's too much for you. Every time, I see the pain it causes you, not being able to satisfy me" Cas said, taking Dean's hand in his.

"Let's just be together. Nothing else" Cas said, standing up and pulling Dean up with him. He knew what he said might have hurt Dean but he knew he was right. Even after the small amount of exertion he put out, Dean was already panting lightly and a small line of sweat glistened along his hairline.

In the back of his mind Dean knew it too. He was too tired to exert that much energy. Dean was growing weaker and Cas could see it every day. It scared him. Every day, he woke up, checking to make sure Dean was still breathing and he went to sleep, afraid that that would be his last night with him.

Cas felt Dean's sweaty hand in his own as he plopped down on the couch, pulling Dean down beside him. He wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his temple as Dean leaned into him, his head resting on his chest. Before too long, Dean's eyes closed and his chest moved in synchronized rhythms with Cas's breathing.

The next day after Cas got home from work, he pulled out the guest list to the wedding and stared down at the last two names, his nerves increasing. He quietly opened the door to the bedroom and checked on Dean, who was sleeping. He closed the door softly and went back to the table, looking at the piece of paper.

The phone rang once, twice and a third time. Just as Cas was about to hang up, someone answered. "Hello?" he heard a gruff voice on the other side of the line. His voice hitched in his throat and his mouth went dry. "Ok, if this is some kind of joke, I don't want to a part in it" the voice said, a little angrier.

"No wait. This isn't a joke. My name is Castiel. I'm a friend of Dean's" he said, finally finding the strength to use his voice.

"I don't know who the hell this is, and I don't know how you got my number but leave me alone" he yelled before a click and the line went dead.

Cas sighed and pressed the phone to his forehead before dialing the number again.

"I said leave me alone" the voice yelled.

"Please just listen to me. I know Dean Winchester, and I know that you are John Winchester, his father" Cas said quickly. The line went quiet and Cas thought he hung up on him until he heard him talk again "What do you want?" John asked.

"I know this is going to be a lot but please hear me out. Dean has some really bad news and he isn't doing so well. I think you should be there for him" he started.

"What's wrong with the bastard this time?" John asked, getting impatient.

Cas sighed and hesitated before continuing "I'm sorry. Dean has cancer. Leukemia. And he has a couple months left" Cas said, quietly, the words causing his throat to constrict and he had to fight the urge to cry.

The line went silent and stayed silent for a couple minutes before he spoke again. "Where is he?" John asked.

"He's here with me" Cas said, giving him the details of where they lived.

"Who are you anyway?" John asked him, a tone of bitterness in his voice.

"Well see, that's another reason why I called you. Dean and I, we're…well we're in love and we're going to get married" he said, suddenly regretting it and feeling nervous. There was silence that made his heart quicken as he waited for a response.

"Stop lying to me. Tell me who you really are."

"I'm telling the truth, sir. Dean insisted that we would get married before…well you know. It won't be a large event. Just a signing of the papers and maybe a small party after" he explained.

"So you called me to tell me my son is dying of leukemia, and then that he is gay and is marrying a man I don't know?" John yelled into the phone.

"Please, I know it's a lot to take in but your son needs you right now. His happiness for his last months is what matters, not your selfish view of what's right and wrong. Your son is happy for once in his life, and if you can't accept him for who he is, then I don't want you there" Cas said, a little too loudly, hearing Dean moving around in the other room.

Again, there was silence and Cas thought he hung up on him. He wouldn't have been surprised if he did. He shouldn't have yelled like that, but Dean was everything to him and he didn't want anyone, especially not his own father, to put any unhappiness into Dean's life, especially now.

"When and where?" John finally asked, sounding calmer than Cas expected.

"There's a small park down the street that we could sign the papers at and say the vows and then have the party there after" Cas said, lowering his voice so Dean wouldn't wake up.

John sighed and said he was going to be there even though Cas could hear the strain in his voice.

Castiel set the phone down and sighed, running a hand through his hair. He was surprised he convinced him to come but he hoped that he would be more accepting of them when he got here.

He looked down the list and crossed off the name: John Winchester. Underneath it was the last name on the list. He hoped this one would be easier.

The phone rang and after the first ring he heard a 'Hello?" That was hopefully a good sign.

"Um, hello. Is this Sam Winchester?" he asked, suddenly feeling nervous again and leaning back to look at the bedroom door.

"Yes it is. Who's calling?" Sam asked, already seeming nicer than John. Maybe this would be easier than Cas thought.

"My name is Castiel. I'm a friend of Dean's and I have some good news and some bad news to tell you" he said, dreading the next thing he would have to say.

"Ok, go ahead" Sam said, a little hesitation in his voice.

"Well, Dean and I, we um, we're together. But we recently found out some bad news. Dean was diagnosed with leukemia and at this point, he could only have a few months" he said, his voice shaking a little.

"What? Dean's…dying?" Sam asked, sadness instantly filling his voice. The line went silent and he waited for a few minutes, not knowing if Sam was still on the phone or not until he spoke again, his voice weaker "What do you mean you're together?" he asked.

"We're getting married before…before Dean" he cut off, not being able to say the words "I want you to be there. I know Dean would love to see his brother again.

"Oh, um yeah. I would love to come, of course" Sam said, sounding like he was trying to compose himself.

"Thank you, Sam. That means a lot to me and I know it will mean a lot to him" he said, before telling him the details of the wedding.

Cas set the phone down and crossed the last name off the list, leaning back in his chair and exhaling.

The wedding was in a couple days and Cas didn't know how to feel about that. He was excited, of course but he was scared that something was going to happen to hurt Dean and he couldn't have that. Dean had been through enough and he couldn't stand to see him get hurt again.

He hoped he made the right choice in inviting Sam and John, but he needs Dean's family to be there for him. Dean needs his family, whether he realized it or not.


	14. Chapter 14

Every day that passed was a gift to both Cas and Dean and as they counted the days to the wedding, they got increasingly excited and nervous. Some days Dean was happy, almost his usual self despite his slower and more tired demeanor. But some days, even Cas had a hard time staying positive. Dean was in pain and cranky. He would refuse to eat and wouldn't move from the bedroom. Luckily, he only had a few of those days, for now at least.

The wedding was the next morning and Cas had a hard time falling asleep. He wrapped his arm around Dean's waist, kissing the back of his neck as he tried to fall asleep. He couldn't believe that the next day, Dean would be his. Even if it wouldn't be for very long, they would be each other's.

The next morning Cas got up early, calling some people to make sure everything was all ready for the wedding. He was pacing around the room when he heard footsteps behind him and Dean came out of the room, squinting at the sunlight, his hair sticking up in all directions.

Cas couldn't help but laugh. He looked like a mess and yet he looked like the most beautiful man alive in Cas's eyes. "Good morning, love" he said, reaching out and taking Dean's hands in his own.

"Isn't it bad luck to see the groom before a wedding?" Dean asked, smiling, his tired eyes lighting up for a small second. "We can make an exception" Cas said, wrapping his arms around Dean's back and pulling him closer. He kissed his chapped lips and glanced at the tuxedos hanging over the back of the chair. "We should get ready" Dean said, following his gaze and smiling widely when they landed on the suits.

Cas nodded and pulled away, just as the doorbell rang. He suddenly filled with nerves again as he headed towards the door. He paused slightly before pulling it open, John and Sam standing on the other side of it. There was definitely tension between the two of them as Cas let them in.

"Dean, some people are here to see you" Cas called as he closed the door. "Who is it?" Dean asked as he rounded the corner. He stopped midway and his eyes got wide as he stared at the two men in front of him.

"Sammy?" he asked, looking at his brother. "Hey Dean" Sam said, smiling and staring at the weakened figure of his brother before rushing in for a hug. It was a strange sight but Cas was happy to see it. Sam was a couple inches taller than Dean, and Dean looked as skinny as a pole in comparison. Sam hugged him tightly and Dean lightly returned the hug before pulling away. His shoulders straightened and his jaw clenched as he saw John. "What is he doing here?" Dean asked, glancing at Cas.

"Dean, he came to see you and to be at our wedding" Cas answered, putting a hand on his shoulder. Dean stared at John, not moving.

"Hello son" John said and Cas could practically see Dean flinch at the sound.

Cas and Dean spent countless hours in the dark of the night cuddled under the blankets together, talking. With their limbs entangled, they talked about everything from childhood memories to visions of the perfect future. Through those conversations, Cas learned how Dean felt more like a soldier than a son, and never once did he get the feeling that his father loved or cared for him. It was him and his brother, and even that didn't last.

"Since when have you cared about my life?" Dean yelled, his face getting red "Since when was I your son?"

Dean took a step forward but John didn't move. If his son was going to attack him, so be it. He deserved that. He deserved to be beaten to a bloody pulp for the childhood he gave, or didn't give to those two boys.

Dean was only an inch from him now, his finger pointing at the man's chest, pushing him back. "You were never a father to me, why do you want to be one now? I don't want you here."

Sam watched the scene he knew would be inevitable and Cas stared down at his feet, feeling as though he was intruding on the family reunion.

"Dean, nothing I say will ever be enough to make up for the hell I put you through but before it's too late…"John started but his voice cut out.

Dean lifted his hands as if to shove him but he stopped short. He saw something he had never seen before. Tears. The man in front of him was crying. Really crying, and it was all for Dean.

Cas moved now, finally finding the ability to use his legs. He grabbed the small armchair and moved it behind the man, lightly taking his arm and helping him down into it. John put a hand up to his face and attempted to wipe the sorrow from his features but it was no use. Everyone was silent, even Dean until finally the man looked up and his eyes were dry.

"Dean, if I could go back and change what I did, I would. With the time I have, I want to try and make it up to you. Try and be the father I never was. Please let me try" John pleaded, looking up into his son's eyes.

Dean's jaw stiffened and he looked away, glancing out the window, replaying the memories in his mind. After a few minutes he looked back and nodded.

A small smile tugged at the corner of John's lips as he stood up and put his hand out in front of him. Dean breathed in heavily and nodded again, his hand meeting John's, shaking in agreement for the first time in his life. John smiled widely now, pulling Dean's hand and wrapping his arms around him in a hug. A hug that Cas knew was the first Dean had ever gotten from him.

Dean didn't hug back but he closed his eyes and pushed back tears, not letting them come to his eyes.

John pulled away and looked at Dean and then at Cas "you two should get ready, you have a big day today" he said, smiling again. Cas moved beside Dean and took his hand "Sam has agreed to help you get ready. He's going to drive you and John is going to drive me, that way we don't see each other until the wedding" Cas said, getting excited. Dean nodded and bent down slightly to kiss Cas's lips before letting Sam pull him away to another room.

"Well, make yourself comfortable, I'll be out in a couple minutes" Cas said to John before returning to his room. He looked at the tux hanging in the closet and his heart beat faster. He stood in front of the mirror as he slowly put it on, making sure he got everything right. He looked at his reflection and realized this would be the last time he would be Castiel Novak. In a few hours he would be Castiel Winchester.

He took one last glance at the mirror before he went out to meet John in the living room.

"Ready?" John asked standing up and looking at Cas, straightening his own suit.

Cas took a deep breath and nodded as he followed John out to his truck. He saw Sam's car still parked and knew Dean was still getting ready. The thought of Dean in a tux sent his nerves tingling and his cheeks reddened slightly.

The ride to the park where they were having the wedding was short but filled with questions from John about Cas and Dean's relationship. Something Cas was expecting, and he was glad it was over when they pulled into the parking lot.

Dean and Sam had a chance to start catching up on each other's lives on the way to the park. After Sam ran away when he was young, he went to live with their family friend, Bobby and his wife Ellen and step daughter Jo. Bobby was more like a father to those boys than John ever was and he got Sam through his childhood. Many times, Bobby tried to convince Sam to contact his brother but Sam refused and John had practically banned Bobby from trying to get anywhere near Dean. Sam ended up going to Stanford and got a law degree. There he met Jess who after a year became his wife and now she was already a little past 6 months pregnant. She was due in December, and they had already decided to name the baby Mary, after Sam and Dean's mother.

Dean told Sam about how he looked for him everywhere but his father kept a tight leash on him after he ran away. And after a couple months, John forced them to move away saying "Sam ain't my son anymore, you are and you're not going anywhere." He told him how he never went to college but he got a decent job at an auto shop. He drifted from bar to bar, picking up one night stands until even that got boring. And then one day he met Castiel, and his old life went out the window.

Castiel and John arrived to the park before Dean and Sam and now Cas could feel the nerves setting in.

There was a small gazebo in the middle of the park with a few folding chairs around it. Flowers were everywhere making the park smell sweet despite the cold October weather. It was small but perfect and once Dean was standing beside him, Cas knew it was going to be the best day of his life.

Bobby was standing under the gazebo holding a piece of paper that prompted him on what to say. Cas knew he was like a father to Dean so he called him and asked if he would wed them, which he happily agreed to.

The faces of a few of their friends sat in the chairs and they turned to look at him as John walked him up to the gazebo.

Cas could feel his nerves setting in but he tried to breathe and focus on the smell of the flowers. He opened his eyes and saw Sam pull into the parking lot. He went to the other side of the car and helped Dean out. This was it.

Cas's breathing halted as Dean, with Sam beside him walked towards them. Dean's hair was combed nicely and his tuxedo fit him perfectly. But to Cas, none of that mattered. Dean was wearing a wide smile on his face that lit up his eyes, and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He wanted to take that moment and save it forever. The smile on Dean's face that left tiny crinkles around his eyes. The light breeze that ran through his hair gently and the smell of flowers.

Cas felt happier than he had in a long time when Dean stood beside him, his hand in his own. He looked into the face of his soon to be husband and not one thought about the cancer crossed his mind.

Bobby read over the words on his paper but Cas had a hard time concentrating on them when Dean was staring back at him.

They exchanged rings, the vows were said and after each of them said "I do" Bobby smiled and said the words Cas had dreamed of.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom."

Dean reached over and put a hand to Cas's face, leaning down to kiss him. They had shared countless kisses since they met, but this was the best one. It seemed to last a lifetime, Dean's lips on his own with the small cheering of the few people watching them. Finally he pulled away and smiled at Dean. His husband. Finally, he was his.

Cas looked down at the small silver band around his finger and looked at the identical one on Dean's finger and it felt so surreal. Dean was his and he was Dean's and nothing was going to change that.

Sam and John brought over the food for the party and they carried over the cake that Dean and Cas picked out. After the congratulations, hugs from the guests and pictures from Sam, everyone dished up their food and sat under the gazebo.

Dean ate a small plate of food, stealing glances at Cas every chance he could, with Cas doing the same, smiling when he caught his eye. A little while after everyone finished their food, Dean and Cas walked up to the simple but beautiful two tier white cake with a little figurine of two men in tuxedos holding hands on top of it. Sam handed them a cake knife and a paper plate and everyone gathered around, cameras out. "Ready?" Cas asked, putting his hand over Dean's on the handle of the knife. Dean nodded and they cut a small slice out of the cake, hearing the clicks of the cameras around them. They moved the slice over to a plate and cut it into two pieces. Cas took one and Dean took the other.

Cas looked up from his focus on the cake and was met with two green eyes and a smile that took the breath out of him. He could get used to that. "Here goes" Dean said, smiling as he raised the cake up to Cas's lips. Cas did the same and Dean bit into it, getting frosting all over his lips. Cas wanted so badly to lick up the frosting but that would be inappropriate. Cas leaned in to take a bite when Dean pushed his hand forward, the cake colliding with Cas's mouth and nose. Dean smeared the cake over his face and tried to get away but Cas took the remaining cake from his hand and managed to get some of it on Dean's chin. By the end of it, they were both covered in cake and were laughing together before Dean pulled Cas in and kissed him, cake and all. The frosting tasted sweet and was even better when it was from Cas's lips. They pulled away and attempted to clean up there mess before the cake was cut and distributed to the rest of the guests.

Sam stood up and clinked his glass with a plastic fork. The small chatter turned to silence as the guests and the newlyweds turned to Sam. He had a wide grin on his face and he looked down at Dean as the proud little brother that he was.

"Being Dean's younger but much larger and handsomer brother, I decided I wanted to say a few words to the new married couple" Sam said, gaining a few laughs from the guests. He looked down towards Dean who looked embarrassed but happy at the same time.

"I just wanted to say, the last seven years without you, have been the hardest in my life but I'm more than happy to get to share this day with the two of you. Dean, you will always be my older brother, and I will look up to you for the rest of my life. You deserve this happiness in your life, and I couldn't think of a better person to spend the rest of your life with than Castiel. In the little time I've gotten to spend with you Cas, I can see the way you look at my brother, and I know you will make him happy. Also I applaud you on dealing with his stubborn and immature ways. Not many of us can do that" he said, laughing a little. Also gaining a laugh from both Cas and Dean.

"But don't get me wrong, I have a law degree, if you hurt him, I can make your life hell" he said "no seriously" he added when a few people laughed.

"Anyways, I hope that you two have a happy life together and I wish you two the best. Just know Jess and I will be here for you whenever you need us. Our door is always open and our fridge is always full" he said, raising his glass "to Dean and Castiel" he said, taking a drink as people cheered.

Cas looked over at Dean and smiled, almost thinking he saw a tear in Dean's eye but it quickly vanished. "Thanks man" he said to Sam as he sat back down. "Now, let's get this party started" Sam said, plugging Cas's iPod into the speaker he brought and starting the playlist Cas put together.

"C'mon babe, first dance" Cas whispered to Dean, standing up and pulling Dean up with him. The guests made a circle around them as Cas pulled Dean towards him, smelling the intoxicating scent of his cologne. The sweet sound of "The Way You Look Tonight" sang by Michael Buble filled the air as Cas stared into the emerald eyes staring back at him.

"I love you more than anything" Dean whispered into his ear, as his arms tightened around Cas's waist and their chests were pushed together, breathing in unison. "I love you too" Cas said, smiling and planting a small kiss and the corner of Dean's mouth. Again, a smile brightened Dean's face, causing small wrinkles to form in the corners of his eyes that Cas had come to love.

The song seemed to last for ages as they slowly moved over the grass in time to the music. The sweet scent of the flowers wafting through the gentle breeze and the bright smiles of their family and friends, locked Cas in the moment. He wanted to stay in Dean's arms forever. It was safe and warm there and he wanted Dean to stay this way forever. Happy, with no sign of the disease that plagued his body.

The song switched and a couple joined them out on the "dance floor" as the music picked up tempo. Dean took Cas's hands and spun him around, Cas's back pressed against his chest now as his hands clasped Cas's at his waist. Dean set his head on Castiel's shoulder and cast a sideways glance at his husband before planting a soft kiss to his cheek.

Dean didn't know how long he had left of his life, but he knew he wanted to spend every moment of it with Cas. Castiel deserved that much. He deserved a happy life and a proper goodbye.

After the next song, Dean had to sit down. He didn't want to but he was out of breath. He wanted more than anything to wrap his arms around Cas and get lost in the music but his body was betraying him. Cas understood though. He sat down beside Dean on the park bench and wrapped his arms around Dean from behind, letting Dean lean his head back on his chest.

The party went on for another hour or so before it was starting to get dark and they had to pack up. Bobby, Ellen and Jo left a little earlier despite everyone's attempts to get them to stay longer. John and Sam stayed to help clean up.

Jess didn't come; Sam thought this was something he should do on his own, even though he would have liked her to be there. Charlie, one of Sam and Dean's friends from when they were young came with her girlfriend. Cas's younger sister Anna was able to make it but he didn't even consider inviting his parents. Even after little contact with her since he was kicked out, he knew Anna was more accepting of Castiel's life choices than his parents. Some of their other friends from work showed up but it was a small wedding, and they wouldn't want it any other way.

Sam offered to drive them both home and on their way to his car, John pulled Dean aside. "I know, me showing up out of the blue was hard for you and I'm not saying that you should forgive me for what I put you through, but I want to try and make it up to you. Will you let me try?" John asked, his hand on Dean's shoulder.

Dean looked up at his father and even the face of the man that hurt him and his brother those many years ago, couldn't ruin this night for him. Dean nodded and was pulled into another hug by his father. "I'm happy for you, Dean" John said, smiling when they pulled away. "Congratulations" John told Cas before heading off in a different direction towards his car.

Dean slid into the seat next to Cas and took his hand, moving his thumb in circles over his skin. Sam turned on the radio quietly but didn't say anything, wanting to give them some privacy, or as much as he could being in the same car as them.

Dean wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder and pulled him into him, so Cas was leaning up against his chest, his head resting on his shoulder. Dean raised Cas's hand up and interlocked his fingers with his before bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of his hand.

Sam looked through the rearview mirror and saw Dean and Cas cuddling and couldn't help but smile. It made him miss Jess and remember their wedding day. He only wished Dean could have been there to see it. One of these days, he was going to get Dean to meet Jess, he knew they would like each other.

After a quiet ride with only the soft music in the background, Sam pulled up to their apartment. Dean looked up and was happy to be home. That meant some well needed alone time with his husband. He still hadn't gotten used to the fact that Cas was his husband. It wasn't just him. He was one half of a whole now.

"Well congratulations you two" Sam said, pulling Dean into a hug after they got out of the car. Dean laughed a little "Thanks Sammy" he said, smiling into his brother's shoulder. Sam pulled away and pulled Cas in for a hug also. Cas stumbled a little, not expecting the embrace. "Oh, thanks Sam" he said, looking at Dean who was having a hard time not laughing. "You're part of the family now, you're welcome over any time" Sam said, before waving and getting into his car, leaving the two newlyweds to their wedding night.


	15. Chapter 15

As soon as Sam pulled away Dean grabbed Cas's hands and pulled him towards the door "welcome home, Mr. Winchester" he said, opening the door and leading Cas over the threshold. "I can get used to that. It has a nice ring to it" Cas said, smiling as he closed the door behind him. As soon as the door was closed Dean grabbed the edges of Cas's suit and pushed him against the wall while kissing his lips with strength Cas didn't know he had.

"Dean, are you sure?" Cas asked, pulling away from him slightly. "Shut up and kiss me" Dean whispered, pulling at Cas's bowtie. That was all Cas needed, he gave in. His fingers, shaking slightly from excitement managed to get Dean's tie off and he worked on the buttons on his shirt while Dean had already gotten his jacket off and shirt completely unbuttoned.

Dean running his hands over Cas's chest was distracting him from his task of getting Dean's shirt off but he wasn't complaining. Finally Dean's shirt fell to the floor, and they were pressed up against each other in seconds. Cas started at Dean's lips and slowly moved down, planting kisses along his neck. He hovered over his neck long enough to leave a bruise on Dean's skin 'You're mine" he whispered before leaving a trail of kisses down his shoulder and to his chest. They had switched spots so Dean was now the one against the wall, his legs braced out in front of him as he tangled his hands in Cas's hair.

Cas kissed down his chest and over his stomach, pausing to move his tongue in a circle over his belly button before continuing his descent down. He made it to the hem of his jeans and reached his hands up to unbutton them, slowly pulling down the zipper, enough to tease Dean. Dean's cheeks were getting pink, and he was getting impatient. Cas hooked his fingers around the edge of Dean's pants and pulled them down so they were bunched up at his ankles. He kicked them off, and Cas could see the outline of his excitement clearly beneath his underwear.

Cas ran his hand over the bulge in his underwear, wanting to tease him a little more. Dean moaned slightly and his hands gripped Cas's hair as Cas got down on his knees. Cas curled his fingers beneath Dean's underwear and tugged at them, throwing them in the growing pile of discarded clothing.

"Cas…baby please" Dean said, practically begging. His lips swollen from kissing, his hair ruffled and his chest rising and falling with heavy breathing, Cas was already getting turned on just looking at him.

Cas smiled as he planted gentle kisses on Dean's inner thigh, moving his way up as he listened to the noises he was making. Finally, when Dean could barely take it anymore, he wrapped his mouth around Dean's mostly hard dick, feeling Dean flinch from surprise and pleasure. He looked up at Dean before fucking Dean into his mouth, starting slow and gradually picking up the pace. Dean's head fell back and rested against the wall, his mouth open as he gripped Cas's hair tighter.

"Fuck, Cas. I'm gonna cum" Dean said, his eyes clenched closed, his legs braced in front of him so he didn't fall over. Cas moved faster, gripping Dean's hips to get as much friction as he could. He could feel Dean's leg muscles tense and just as he looked up at Dean, he felt his dick swell and cum ran down the back of his throat and leaked out the corner of his mouth. Dean's lips parted silently, and he shivered as his orgasm ran through him.

Cas moved his tongue around the tip of Dean's dick to lick up the remaining cum as Dean pulled out and he sank to the ground beside Cas. Dean was breathing heavy as he looked at Cas. It was a beautiful sight. Cas, half naked, his hair disheveled, blue eyes shining and his lips pink and swollen, staring back at him. "Jesus Cas, you're amazing" Dean said, leaning in to kiss him.

"I know" Cas said, smiling and kissing him back, his tongue exploring Dean's mouth. Dean pulled away and looked at Cas with a serious expression "what about you?"

"I'm fine, Dean. You should get some rest" Cas said, shifting to try and hide his clearly visible erection in his pants.

"Oh no. I don't care if it kills me, I'm not going to leave you like that" Dean said, glancing down at Cas's tightening pants. "That's not funny Dean" Cas said, looking up at him, his blue eyes suddenly dull and sad.

"I never said it was. Now get over here before I force you" Dean said, putting his hand out for him. Cas gave in and interlocked their fingers together as Dean pulled them on the bed, Cas lying beside him. "Pants off" he ordered, watching Cas. Cas's cheeks got hot, getting turned on by the more aggressive side of Dean. He unzipped his pants and slid them off, about to do the same with his underwear when a hand wrapped around his wrist, stopping him.

"I'll handle these" Dean said, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth but he quickly wiped it away. Dean quickly kissed Cas's lips, his hands running over his smooth chest and stomach, tracing over every muscle.

Dean kissed his neck and left a bruise like Cas did earlier "Now you're mine too" he said before moving down. Dean planted a trail of kisses from Cas's belly button down to the hem of his boxers. His green eyes met with Cas's blue ones before he took the band of elastic in his mouth and slowly guided his underwear down his legs with his teeth, his breath causing goose bumps to form over Cas's skin.

"God, you're beautiful" Dean said after he threw the boxers in the pile and looked over Cas's whole body. Cas could feel his cheeks get red under the gaze of his lover but Dean's eyes didn't linger long. He moved forward, filling the space between the two of them as he kissed Cas's lips, his tongue demanding entrance to his mouth.

Dean let his hands explore every inch of Cas's body before he made him turn over and get on his hands and knees. Dean grabbed the bottle of lube from the drawer and smiled again at the sight in front of him. Cas waiting patiently, his ass in the air as he looked back at Dean with his blue puppy dog eyes. Dean squirted some lube on himself and moved in behind Cas, his hands tightly gripping his hips.

"Ready?" Dean asked, seeing a nod from Cas, and he watched as Cas's muscles tensed as he braced himself. Dean lined up and slowly pushed himself inside Cas, hearing a groan from him, watching his fists clench the sheet with white knuckles. Dean pulled out only to thrust back into him, getting faster as he went on, Cas's moans getting louder.

Dean gripped Cas's hips and pulled them back into him as he thrusted in and out, groaning in sync with Cas's moans. He couldn't handle much more of that and in a short time, he was coming again inside Cas and he pulled out but he wasn't done. He laid on his side and pulled Cas down in front of him, his back up against his chest.

He reached around and wrapped his hand around Cas's hard dick and started pumping but it didn't take long. A few later and Cas was leaning back into Dean, his mouth open and his eyes closed tightly as he came over Dean's hand and the sheets. Dean grabbed a towel and cleaned up, throwing the lube back in the drawer as he laid back down.

Dean and Cas were both breathing heavily and Dean probably over did it but he needed to do this for Cas. He needed to pleasure him with the small amount of time that he had.

Cas turned around so he was facing Dean "I love you Dean Winchester" he said, his cheeks still red and hot. "I love you too Cas" Dean said, smiling and putting his hands on the sides of his face to kiss his lips gently.

Cas snuggled against Dean's chest and let Dean wrap an arm around him as he closed his eyes and listened to the heart beat of his husband. Their breathing became long and slow, syncing up as they both drifted off into sleep, lying together, two halves of a whole.


	16. Chapter 16

The next couple of days went by slowly but Cas loved every minute of it. After just getting married and not having a proper honeymoon, Cas decided to take a few days off to spend them with Dean. The events of a few days prior put them both in a good mood and if Cas didn't know any better, it seemed to help Dean physically. He was happy, and he had more energy than usual even though they had stayed up into the early hours of the morning talking and enjoying each other's company. It was almost like it was before.

But it had to end at some point. Cas had to come back to reality and return to work. His alarm clock went off early on Monday morning, a rude awakening to an already restless night of tossing and turning. He swung his hand over to hit the snooze button and rolled back over, his hands reaching to the spot on the bed beside him. He expected to feel the sleeping figure of his husband but there was only a cold sheet.

He sat up in bed looking around, instantly awake. "Dean?" he asked, getting out of bed and walking to the closed bathroom door. "Dean, are you alright?" he asked, knocking lightly on the wooden door.

He heard a groan and the toilet flushed "I'm fine" he heard Dean mumble but it wasn't convincing. Cas slowly opened the door and his eyes started to water. Dean was leaning up against the bathtub, his hair a mess and his eye rimmed with red. He was shivering and his shirt was wadded up in the corner of the room.

"Babe, what's wrong?" Cas asked, kneeling down beside him and putting a hand to his forehead. He was sweaty, and he felt like he had a fever. Cas sighed and reached for the shirt on the ground "No" Dean rasped, trying to stop him but he had already picked it up.

A strong smell assaulted his nose as he turned the shirt over. There was a large stain of puke running along the shirt that he guessed was from Dean not making it to the bathroom in time. A noise pulled him away from the shirt. His eyes moved back to Dean and he instantly regretted picking up the shirt. Dean was crying. Salty tears leaving trails down his cheeks and hitting the tile floor below him.

"Hey, hey it's ok" Cas said, sitting beside Dean and wrapping his arms around him. Dean didn't lean into him, he just brought his hands to his eyes and tried to wipe the tears away. "No, it's not ok. I'm a fucking mess. I tried so hard to give you those days, days when you didn't have to worry about me. I don't want you to have to deal with me. I'm a burden, and I'm just going to drag you down" Dean said, through tears.

"Don't say that. Dean, I don't care what happens I will be here for you no matter what" he started, pausing to tilt Dean's face towards him "You are not a burden, and you are not a mess. You are my husband and I love you more than anything. A little puke is not going to scare me away."

Dean's eyes locked with his own and he bit his lip to keep from crying, pushing away the tears that had already started forming in the corner of his eyes. "Come on, let's get you some fresh clothes, and I'll make you something to eat before I leave for work" Cas said, standing up and pulling Dean up with him. He led Dean to the closet and took out a fresh shirt, helping Dean pull it over his shivering body.

"Stay here, I'll be back with something to eat" he said, guiding Dean to the bed and going back to the bathroom to grab the shirt and put it in the washer. He went out to the kitchen and put on a kettle of tea, making a couple pieces of toast and cutting some fruit up for Dean.

In a few minutes the harsh cry of the tea kettle filled the room, and he removed it from the stove quickly, pouring a hot cup of tea to add to the tray he made. He walked it back into Dean and set it on the night stand, making Dean lay back down in bed.

"Here's your breakfast. I have the protein shakes in the fridge and there's some soup in the pantry for lunch. Call me if you need anything" Cas said, setting the TV remote in his lap. "I'll be back before dinner" he added, leaning down to kiss Dean on the forehead before leaving the room. As he left he could feel tears welling in his eyes again, and he tried to fight them but they fell down his cheeks.

He leaned up against the counter, trying to regain his composure. He hated seeing Dean like this. It wasn't just his tired and aching form; it was the way he talked. Sometimes it was like Dean had given up fighting. Like Dean thought he was helpless and therefore there was no sense in keeping a positive attitude. He hated seeing the man he loved in so much pain.

He ran his hands under the cool stream of water from the sink and splashed it over his face, wiping it with a towel before grabbing his bike and leaving the apartment quickly. He liked riding his bike to clear his head, even though it was cold outside and he was likely to be the only one riding in this weather. It was refreshing and gave him time without the sound of music bringing back memories or the annoying complaining of radio talk show hosts. They had it so fucking great and here he was clinging to every moment by a string because he didn't know if it could be Dean's last. He should be the one complaining, not those fucking celebrities with everything they could possibly want.

He walked his bike down to the road and got on, riding slowly, not feeling in any rush to get to work even though he was pretty sure he was going to be late. The cold air bit at his cheeks and sent shivers over his body as it traveled through his hair. It was a beautiful outside but as time went on, he had a hard time appreciating the beauty of the world around him. How was it fair that everyone got to enjoy it when neither he nor Dean could look at the world the same way? The cruel world that is trying to take the one thing he loves the most, away from him. It wasn't fair.

Cas was in a daze, trapped in his mind with his thoughts. He wasn't paying attention to the world around him, so he didn't see the headlights coming right for him until he heard the loud honk and squeal of tires. Then all there was, was an impact.

His bike crunched beneath him, a loud grind of metal against asphalt. The car came to a halt and he hit the hood, hitting the windshield before rolling back down and landing hard on the ground. The world was spinning and all he could see were black dots clouding his vision. They started to clear and he saw a face looking down at him.

"Hey, buddy. You ok?" the man asked, kneeling down beside him. Cas stared up at the sky, his eyes tracing the outlines of the clouds "Hey" he said again, his hands shaking Cas's shoulders. Cas unclipped his helmet and set it down before sitting up.

Cas looked around for his bike and saw it squished up underneath the car, blue streaks of paint trailing on the asphalt. More people had stopped their cars and were making their way over to him to access the damage. Someone had called 911.

"I'm fine" Cas said, trying to stand but a sharp pain shot through his shoulder and he lost his balance. "Whoa, take it easy man" the man said, putting his hands out to steady him. Cas looked in the windshield of the car and saw a young woman trying to calm down two little girls in the backseat.

"Shit…I'm so sorry" he said, feeling like he wanted to cry again. "Don't worry about us, I want to make sure you're alright" the man said, although his voice was shaking. He held his arm close to him as he made his way to the front of the car, looking at what was once his bike. There was little damage done to the car, mostly paint scratches but it seemed his bike had taken all the impact.

"We should exchange insurance information, maybe they can get you another bike" the man said, looking at him with sympathy. Cas nodded and told him his information. Shortly after, he heard the shrill sound of an ambulance siren as it pulled up next to them, followed by a police car. The cop took their statements and an EMT with a concerned look on his face led Cas away to the ambulance. "Tell me where you're having pain" the man said, flashing a light into Cas's eyes and checking his pulse and blood pressure.

"My shoulder" he said, looking at the two little girls in the backseat. They had calmed down now but they still looked scared. He felt the man's fingers prodding his shoulder, causing him to hiss in pain.

"It looks like your shoulder is dislocated. I'm going to have to pop it back into place. I would recommend going to the hospital so we can see if there are any other injuries" the man said, looking at him.

'No, no hospitals. I have to get to work" he said, still staring at the little girls. The car could have swerved and hit something. It could have rolled. Those two little girls could have been hurt and it would have been all his fault.

"Sir, I don't think that's such a good idea…" the man started but Cas cut him off "I need to go to work." He couldn't go to a hospital where everything reminded him of Dean. He just couldn't handle that.

The man didn't argue but he insisted that he at least look him over in the ambulance before he left. The two EMTs closed the double doors as he sat on the bed, the smell of antiseptic stinging his nose.

"We need to put your shoulder back in place now. He's going to hold you steady while I set the shoulder back" he said, motioning to the other man who was intently focused on Cas's arm. Cas nodded and took a deep breath in as the man gripped his shoulder and the other man took his arm.

"On three…one…two…three" and a sharp pain. Cas couldn't stop the cry of pain that came out of his mouth, and he was holding his breath. "All done. Breath Castiel" the man said, his face coming back into Cas's line of sight. Cas let out his breath and moved his arm. It was still sore but at least he could move it.

"Just a few more things and then you are free to go" the man said, taking out a stethoscope and asking him to take deep breaths as he listened to his heart. The other man prodded around his head to make sure he didn't have a concussion. After looking over him once more and telling him to take it easy, they let him go. They couldn't force him to stay.

The light was bright when he stepped out of the ambulance and he saw a police officer dragging away the crippled remains of his bike. "I'm sorry again" he told the man standing by the car before glancing at the girls again and leaving. He was now a good hour and half late to work but he was sure they would understand.

He walked along the sidewalk, trying to keep his focus, not wanting to walk out in the street and get ran over again. The walk to the gallery was long and hot but he made it there. A glance down at his surprisingly undamaged phone told him that he was now two hours late.

He opened the doors causing his boss to look over from the counter, clearly angry. She made sure there weren't any customers around before stalking over to him "Where the hell have you been?" he hissed in a hushed but none less threatening voice.

"I'm sorry. Dean…I had to help Dean and then on the way here, I got in an accident" he said, looking down at his feet. She stared at him, not saying anything. She knew about Dean's cancer but only as an explanation to the many days off he had to request.

"God, Cas I'm sorry. Are you alright?" she asked, her eyes looking over his body. "I'm fine, a dislocated shoulder but it's taken care of" he said, meeting her eyes. "And emotionally?" she asked, putting a hand out to touch his arm lightly.

"Like I said, I'm fine" he said quickly before going to the back to sign in and put his stuff away. He couldn't talk about Dean right now.

The day was slow and dragged on and it didn't help that Cas was in his own mind most of the day, only able to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to put on a fake face for the occasional customer. He had to smile and act like things were fine, when obviously they weren't.

Finally his shift was over and he stood outside, forgetting that his way of getting home was smashed into pieces in some dumpster somewhere. He searched his pockets and his wallet for change for the bus, coming up with the right amount.

He hated riding the bus. A vehicle full of strangers all heading off in different directions, different lives and situations. No one bothering to ask another person how they were or even saying hello. The sticky railings and awkward glances around the bus trying to avoid the eyes of the other passengers.

After a long half hour, he made it home, hoping Dean was alright. He was a little late for dinner but he put a frozen pizza in the over right as he walked in the door. "Dean? You ok?" he asked, his voice carrying through the rooms.

The door opened to the bedroom and a tired Dean leaned against the doorframe, looking as though he just got up from a nap. "Peachy" he said with a fake smile on his face as he shuffled out to the kitchen, throwing away two empty cans of chocolate protein shake.

Cas stared at him and tried so hard to be strong for him, but the weight of the day's events broke him. For the second time that day, he started crying and it was in front of Dean. He hated himself for that. He didn't want him to see how weak he was, to see how this was affecting him.

"Cas…baby what's wrong?" Dean asked, his face softening and he looked at Cas in concern as he moved beside him and put a hand on the small of his back and moved it in soothing circles.

"I'm scared Dean" he said, hugging Dean close and burying his head in his shoulder. Dean's arms weren't as strong as they used to be but they were just as comforting, holding Cas together. "I got in an accident today, my bike is destroyed. It could have been worse, so much worse. Those girls…the looks on their faces. I probably gave them nightmares for the next couple of days. I couldn't stop thinking about my life without you and I was so scared. I didn't notice the car and the next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground and my bike was nothing more than crushed metal and blue paint streaks on the road. They wanted me to go to the hospital but I couldn't Dean. I just couldn't" he rambled.

"Shh, it's ok now. I'm not going anywhere" Dean whispered into his ear, gently kissing his temple. "Are you alright? You're not hurt?" he asked after a couple minutes, pulling away to look up and down Cas's frame.

"No, I'm fine. A few bruises and scratches and a sore shoulder but I'll be fine' he said, shaking his head. He was staring down at his feet when he was wrapped in another embrace from Dean. A more than welcome embrace. Dean held him close and Cas cried in his shoulder, it felt good to let it out. Months' worth of held back tears finally able to be set free.

Finally he pulled back just in time for the timer on the oven to beep. Dean pulled away and grabbed oven mitts, bending down to take the pizza out. "Sit, let me serve you tonight" Dean said, taking out two plates. Cas tried to protest but Dean wouldn't hear it.

Cas sat on the couch and waited for Dean to come back. He walked over and set the plates on the table and two glasses of water next to them. Dean groaned a little as he sat down beside Cas, turning the TV on and flipping to a random Star Trek episode that was on. 'Just like old times" Dean said, smiling before taking a small bite of his pizza. Cas smiled back and took a bite of his pizza, eating it quickly. He hadn't realized that he was starving, not really having time for food during the day.

They listened to the random noises of the Enterprise and entries in the captain's log but neither of them were really paying attention to the episode. Dean set his plate on the table and took Cas's from him, setting it down beside him. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's waist and pulled him back to lean against him.

It was nice, almost like the way it was before, before everything went wrong. Before Cas's world was turned upside down.


	17. Chapter 17

The next couple of weeks were almost a repeat of one another except Cas could see that Dean was trying to be stronger. He was trying to hide his pain and be there for Cas but Cas could see through those fake smiles and witty comments. He could see the pain that wreaked havoc on his body.

Cas was enjoying his first day off in a while when he got a phone call from a number he didn't know. "Hello?" he answered, putting the phone up to his ear.

"Castiel? It's Sam. I was just wondering if you weren't busy, if you and Dean wanted to come over to our house for thanksgiving dinner. It's going to be Jess and I, along with Bobby, Ellen, Jo and John" Sam explained.

Cas paused and made his way to the bedroom "That sounds great but let me ask Dean real quick" he said, lowering the phone and putting his hand over the speaker.

"Sam wants to know if we want to come out for dinner" Cas said, looking at Dean, who was sitting on the bed and watching some soap opera on TV. This was one of Dean's better days. "If you're not up to it, Sam will understand" Cas added.

"No, I want to go" Dean said, looking at Cas and smiling wide, making Cas laugh a little.

"Ok, Sam, we're in. Anything you need us to bring?" he asked.

"Nope, just your company. Jess is excited to meet you two" Sam said before they said their goodbyes and hung up.

Cas felt rude showing up to their house without bringing anything so he ran to the store quickly, grabbing a bouquet of flowers and a nice bottle of wine. He returned in time to get a shower and get ready, which Dean was more than happy to help with.

Cas looked at himself in the mirror "Are you sure I look alright?" he asked Dean, tugging at the dark blue sweater he was wearing, hoping it was enough.

"Babe, you look great" Dean said, wrapping his arms around Cas from behind and looking at them in the mirror as he kissed him on the cheek. Cas smiled and tried to smooth out the wrinkles on his shirt "come one, we're going to be late" he said as he tugged Dean towards the door.

It turned out that Sam and Jess didn't live that far away from them but they had a hard time finding a place to park from all the cars already in the driveway. Cas parked the car but didn't get out.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, looking at Cas in concern. "They barely know me, Dean. What if they don't like me" Cas said, looking at the house, a flash of fear in his eyes.

"Hey, of course they like you. What's not to like?" Dean asked, smiling and leaning in to kiss Cas on the cheek before getting out of the car. Cas grabbed the flowers and wine before following him to the front door.

Dean rang the doorbell and admired the large house before the door opened with his massive brother on the other side. "Hey guys, glad you could make it. Happy Thanksgiving" Sam said, opening the door for them to come in. The house was even prettier on the inside. It had dark hard wood floors, modern stainless steel appliances and dark grey furniture that looked like it had just come from the store.

Sam disappeared for a second only to come back with a woman following behind him. She was beautiful. Her hair was blonde, long and curly and she looked like she could have been a model. "Dean, Cas, this is Jess, my wife" Sam said, looking between the three of them.

Jess gave a smile that lit up her face "I'm so glad to finally meet you. Sam has told me so much about you" she said, attacking them both with a tight hug rather than a handshake or awkward wave.

'Oh, um I brought these for you" Cas said, handing her the flowers and bottle of wine, which she took with another smile. "Well make yourselves at home" she said, running to the kitchen to set the things down "anything to drink?" she asked from the other room. "Oh nothing for me thanks" Cas said, smiling at her "I'll take a beer" Dean answered, gaining a look from Cas.

She nodded and came back quickly with Dean's beer as she led them to the living room where the rest of the guests were sitting. When they walked in the room, they were greeted by many "hellos" all at once and they waved to everyone before sitting down.

Bobby and John were watching some sports game on the TV, yelling at it as though it would change the outcome of the game. Jo was sitting in between the two of them, yelling just as much. And Ellen was in the kitchen with Jess, helping get dinner on the table.

The smell of turkey filled the room as Sam carved it, cutting enough turkey for an army and placing the huge plate on the table.

"Dinner's ready" Jess called to everyone but no one but Dean and Cas moved. Ellen sighed and stood in front of the TV, taking the remote and turning the game off, despite the groans from them. "Dinner's ready, chop chop" she said, hurrying them up to the table. Sometimes it was like she was living with little kids rather than a 20 something year old and her husband.

When everyone had finally made it to the table, people started dishing up. The room smelled amazing and the food looked even better. Piled high on plates around the table were mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, crescent rolls and a large bowl of caesar salad, surrounding the massive turkey in the middle of the table.

"Before you all start eating, we have to do the Thanksgiving tradition" Ellen said, to Jo's obvious annoyance. Bobby was just about to bite into a turkey leg and he put it down on his plate with a look of disappointment.

"I just thought we should go around the room and say what we're thankful for" she said "I'll start. I'm thankful for the wonderful and loving family around me even if they make me want to rip my hair out sometimes" she said, taking Bobby's hand and smiling at Jo.

"Well I'm thankful for the folks around me and good beer in my hand" Bobby said, making everyone laugh except Ellen. Jo mumbled something about the food and John nervously said that he was glad to be accepted back into his son's lives.

Sam said something about getting to have a thanksgiving dinner with his whole family while Jess talked about her close family and friends, her emotions getting the better of her and making her tear up.

Finally it got to Dean and Cas. Dean looked around, he always thought this tradition was kind of lame but considering this might be his last thanksgiving, he thought he should take it seriously. "Um…I'm thankful for all of you being here and for my husband, without him I wouldn't have the strength to carry on the way that I have" he said, looking at Cas's now teary blue eyes and taking his hand.

Cas wiped his eyes quickly and cleared his throat "I'm thankful that you all have given a place for me in your family and for Dean. He changed my life in ways I didn't think possible and I love him more than anything" he said, his eyes tearing up again along with some awws from around the table.

"Well, let's eat" Jess said, smiling at everyone. No one needed to be told twice and they jumped right in, Bobby taking a huge satisfying bite of the turkey leg.

They all ate until they couldn't fit in one more bite, and they talked about anything from Jo scaring away her boyfriends to Sam's irrational fear of clowns. They reminisced on childhood pranks and listened to Bobby complain about some annoying neighbors that moved in beside them.

The oven timer went off and Jess got up to grab the apple pie to set alongside the pumpkin pie she made earlier. The room smelled amazing and though they had all filled up during dinner, they were sure they could make room for dessert.

Dean eyed the pie and tried to decide if he should take a piece but at the end of his inner conflict, his stomach got the better of him and he cut himself a small piece. "Are you sure babe?" Cas asked him quietly, putting a hand to his knee. He knew well enough that Dean didn't have a large appetite to begin with and pushing it wasn't the best idea, knowing how Dean has been struggling with nausea lately.

"I don't care if it makes me sick, I can't let a piece of pie like that sit by me uneaten" Dean said, shoving a large forkful in his mouth, savoring the taste of sweet apple and cinnamon with the flaky crust.

Cas nodded, knowing there was no point in arguing with him, and he ate a small piece of pumpkin pie, almost regretting it a couple minutes later when he was so full he felt like he was going to pop.

After they had all eaten their fair share of desserts, Jess reached down and pulled something from her bag "this is from my most recent appointment and I thought I would share it with all of you" she said, passing around the small picture with a visible outline of a baby on it. Ellen was the first to take it, her eyes already getting teary. "I'm so excited to meet baby Mary" she said, smiling widely and putting her hand on the Jess's baby bump.

The picture made its way around the table and Cas finally had a chance to look at it. "Wow, I'm so happy for you two" he said to Jess and Sam as he looked at the tiny human being in the photo, imagining a life where he and Dean had children of their own. He wanted so badly for that to be their future, but he knew, even though he would rather not believe it, that there was no future for them.

Dean took the picture next, looking over at Sam "You're going to be a daddy" he said, laughing a little "Please, just do me a favor and make sure your daughter has good taste in music like her uncle Dean" he said, handing the photo back to Jess as Sam nodded "Sure Dean" he said, laughing. John said congratulations to the two of them but stayed quiet for the most part, it was only recently that he was accepted back into Sam and Dean's lives.

They sat around the dinner table for a while longer before Cas started to notice something off with Dean. He had gone slightly pale and he wasn't talking as much as he had earlier. "Hey, is something wrong?" he asked, leaning over to whisper to him. Dean glanced at him and tried to act like nothing was wrong but Cas could see right through that.

"I hate to eat and run but we should be getting home" Cas said, taking Dean's hand and squeezing it. He expected some sort of resistance from Dean but he got none and that scared him. "Oh don't be silly, we loved having you and we hope you can make it back over sometime" Jess said, standing up to give hugs.

She gave them each an awkward hug and Sam pulled them each into a large moose hug but even he could see the discomfort on Dean's face. Bobby and Ellen gave hugs also and John stood up, looking at Dean in concern.

"Thank you for having us. Dinner was delicious" Dean said before turning to the door. Cas took his arm and led him out with waves from everyone as they left. The night air was a relief from the heat of the day earlier as Cas helped Dean in the car.

Since Dean had gotten sick, he hadn't been doing much driving so Cas was getting really good at driving the Impala, but he missed Dean's 20 over the speed limit car rides.

"Tell me what's going on" Cas said as soon as he got in the driver seat and pulled away from the curb. "I think I ate too much" was all Dean said, and that was enough of an explanation for Cas. He opened the windows to let the fresh air in and drove home in the silence.

He pulled into his usual spot and helped Dean out and to the front door. As soon as they got inside, Dean ran to the bathroom and kneeled down by the toilet just in time. He gripped the sides of the toilet bowl with white knuckles and threw up the dinner he had just eaten.

The noise of his retching was hard on Cas's ears, and he hoped for Dean's sake it would end soon. He kneeled down beside Dean and moved his hand in circles over his back. It went on for a while until Dean was throwing up nothing. He flushed the toilet and leaned back against the wall, breathing heavily.

Cas grabbed a washcloth from the counter and got it wet, pressing it up against Dean's damp forehead. "Damn pie" Dean said, frowning and leaning his head back against the cool tile. Cas hated seeing him like this: broken and deflated.

"Come one, how about we get you cleaned up" he said as he started filling up the bathtub. Dean nodded and struggled to get his clothes off. Cas knelt beside him and helped him lift his shirt over his arms and pull his pants off his legs and past his ankles.

He took Dean's arms and lifted him up and into the warm water of the tub. He was sitting on the edge of the tub, and he reached for the soap when Dean's wet hand wrapped around his wrist. "Join me" Dean said, looking at him with pleading eyes. Cas couldn't turn down those eyes so he stripped of his clothes and carefully lowered himself into the water beside Dean. Dean's arms wrapped around his torso and he pushed up against Cas's side and kissed his shoulder.

Cas wrapped an arm around Dean's back and leaned his head down to kiss his forehead. Dean rested his chin on Cas's chest and looked up at him with his bright green eyes. "Thank you" he said simply.

"For what?" Cas asked, looking down at him to meet his eyes. "For everything you do for me. I don't know how many people would have the patience to do what you do" Dean answered, his hands, moving up to Cas's hair and getting it wet, causing it droop down his forehead.

"Of course, Dean. I would do anything for you, you know that" he said in return, tilting Dean's face up to kiss his lips.

Cas grabbed the bath poof and squirted a large amount of body wash in a mound on top, lowering it to Dean's chest. He moved it in gentle circles, washing away the day's dirt, wishing he could wash away his sickness also. He wished he could scrub away all their problems, watch them swirl down the drain and disappear from sight. But unfortunately, life couldn't be that simple. He gently moved the poof over Dean's body, remembering the days when this small action would have them both turned on and begging for more, but not today. Dean was weakening and Cas could see it. Nothing was going to be the way it was before.

After a while the water was starting to get cold and Cas got out, helping Dean out with him, wrapping them both in towels before helping Dean into his pajamas. There was a silence between them that seemed to be more present recently. They tried to stay off the subject of Dean's cancer but everything else they said seemed shadowed by the ever present sickness.

Castiel crawled into bed beside Dean and wrapped his arm around his chest, kissing his cheek before turning the light out and staring at the ceiling until sleep finally found him.


End file.
